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Journalism of Courage
Mini Mathur recently spoke about how her relationship with husband and filmmaker Kabir Khan in 27 years of marriage is based on “solid, good old friendship”. “It has been like a breeze. I am not saying it’s picture perfect. It is not. We argue. We go through our highs and lows. But it’s like being married to your best friend. I think the basis of our marriage is solid, good ol’ friendship. Even when I fight with him, I really miss him as a friend while sitting in the same room. So, I end up being the first person to make up with him. But his EQ is lower than mine. Higher in films but lower in the relationship,” Mathur told Vickey Lalwani on his podcast.
She also detailed how, despite being very different personalities, they come together as a team. “I am an extrovert. He is an introvert. We are yin and yang. But it’s based on solid, goddamn friendship. And it really sometimes picks you up from stickiest situations,” the VJ and TV host added.
During the conversation, Mini also shared how she has done “six months of therapy”, as well as a 1.5-year course on menopause and health, while Khan despises therapy. “He is not a very gregarious or outgoing person. He is not a very extroverted person. He is very private with his friends,” shared Mathur.
What does this speak about their bond?
Delnna Rrajesh, a psychotherapist, energy healer, and life coach, concurred with Mini and said that in every relationship, emotional intelligence is rarely evenly distributed. “It is a universal truth most couples will resonate with. One partner may be more attuned to emotions, quicker to resolve conflicts, or more expressive in processing feelings. The other may be slower, quieter, or more internally focused. This isn’t a flaw – it’s a polarity. And polarity, when met with acceptance and care, can become a strength,” said Delnna.
But this unevenness can also feel frustrating. “Many emotionally intelligent individuals (often women, but not always) find themselves making the first move after a fight, calming the storm, or trying to make sense of what the other can’t express. What Mini reflects is a common pattern: the emotionally attuned partner ends up becoming the emotional compass in the relationship. And that can be both a gift and a responsibility,” continued Delnna.
Understand that EQ isn’t a competition
Your partner’s lower emotional awareness doesn’t make them unloving – it just means they process differently. Some people feel deeply but lack the language to express it. Give them time and non-judgmental space.
Name the friendship beneath the frustration
Like Mini shared, even in conflict, she misses Kabir as a friend. “That’s not weakness – it’s wisdom. If you can still value the person even when you disagree with their behaviour, you’re doing emotional intimacy right,” said Delnna.
Stop measuring effort in identical behaviours
Maybe you initiate the talk, but they express through acts of service. Maybe you are verbal, and they are present in silence. “Emotional labour looks different for different personalities. Honour the variety,” shared Delnna.
Use your higher EQ not as a weapon, but as a bridge
If you’re more emotionally aware, you have the gift of leading the connection forward with maturity. Lead gently, not with superiority. Model regulation, not resentment.
Teach by showing, not scolding
Instead of saying, ‘Why can’t you express yourself?’ Try ‘It would help me feel closer if I knew what you were feeling.’ Most emotionally reserved partners respond more positively to invitations than to demands.
Protect your energy too
Being the emotionally attuned one doesn’t mean you have to carry it all. Communicate your needs clearly. Don’t become a container for emotional avoidance.
If you’re in a relationship where emotional needs don’t always match, don’t give up. “Equip yourself with the tools to communicate better, understand deeper, and repair more gracefully. Because EQ may vary. But conscious effort is always a choice,” said Delnna.
