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Naseeruddin Shah stands out among Bollywood actors for fearlessly speaking his mind about both the professional and the personal. The 72-year-old thespian has never shied away from sharing his struggles, be it emotional or otherwise. In keeping with his nature, Shah recently reminisced about his intricate relationship with his late father, Aley Mohammed. He also emphasised that he consciously endeavours not to repeat the mistakes his father made with his own children, but he can’t help but feel a barrier between them.
“[My father and I], we could never see eye to eye. He used to dote on me when I was very small, so I’ve been told. Then he kind of lost his affection for me because I did not do well in school… He studied himself up to high school and he wanted desperately for his children to be well-educated. So he gave us the best education that he could buy. Not that he was wealthy by any means, but he spent a large portion of his salary sending us to a school in Nainital which he believed was good,” Shah recalled in an interview with Humans of Bombay.
“He could never quite figure me out because there were three obsessions I had: stage, cinema and cricket; all three of which he disapproved of. He was afraid I would try to become a cricketer and I realised very early that I can’t be a cricketer,” the actor added.
“So acting was the only choice left for me. He insisted that I become a doctor saying ‘your big brother is an engineer and the other one is an Army officer. Much against his will, I went and got trained. He could never understand what I was all about and he made his displeasure very clear. My mom was non-judgemental about it. She would comfort me whenever I had a tiff with him. But she never understood me either, though her love was unconditional. My father’s love was conditional. He did not disapprove of the things I did, he disapproved of me, which is a mistake I try to avoid when dealing with my children.”
He said that his father’s only concern was if he could earn a living, and ultimately, he never watched any of his work. “I did one movie which he saw and liked. Then I gave him Rs 1,000 from my payment. He was very pleased. Shortly after that, he died. We were never able to heal that relationship and it still bothers me. I definitely did not want that to happen to my children,” he said.
Referring to his relationship with his children, Shah said that he never wanted it to be anything like what he had with his father.
“I wanted to be friends with them. I want them to be able to give me a hug when they feel like it; or slap me on the back when they feel like it. However, it hasn’t actually panned out that way and I don’t know why. I have tried very hard not to make the same mistakes my father made. I enjoy their company and they enjoy ours too, which is an encouraging sign. I don’t know too many kids who will spend New Year’s Eve or Diwali with their parents; our kids do. It means we have done something right,” Shah added.
In an earlier interview, he said that he was unable to attend his father funeral, but when he went to his grave, he couldn’t contain himself. Shah poured his heart out right there, beside his father’s grave, and got some amount of closure.
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