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Journalism of Courage
Mistry actor Ram Kapoor, who recently grabbed headlines after making inappropriate sexist comments, told Farah Khan that he and his wife Gautami, lived together before tying the knot. When the choreographer — who visited the couple’s residence with her cook Dilip as part of her YouTube cooking show — asked Ram and Gautami about the same, Ram admitted that they were in a live-in for “1.5-2 years”, to which Farah hugged Gautami and said, “Congrats, and you still married him”.
Ram, 51, went on to share his side of their over two decades of relationship story. “Mere dost, mere bhai log, mere parivaar wale…isko pooch rahe the tu kyun kar rahi hai isse shaadi? (My friends, my well-wishers, and family asked her why she wanted to marry me) Nobody thought ki tikegi shaadi (nobody thought our marriage would last)…Now, I am winning…I am proving everybody wrong…now, it’s 25 years…my friends thought that ours won’t last for even two years,” recalled Ram.
He continued, “Jaise main isko jhelta hun, yeh bhi mujhe jhelti hai…shaadi is tit for tat…”
Taking a cue from his disarming honesty, let’s understand what makes relationships work in the long term.
Relationships are rarely built on perfection. “They’re built on effort: choosing each other despite the mess, growing together even when it gets hard,” said Delnna Rrajesh, psychotherapist, energy healer, and life coach.
She affirmed that she has seen “this dynamic play out many times”. “Some people are indeed difficult to live with. They might be emotionally reactive, avoidant, impulsive, or deeply set in their ways. But being difficult doesn’t mean being undeserving of love. It means they need a partner willing to understand the roots of those behaviours; but they must be willing to grow, too,” Delnna shared.
Love isn’t about finding someone easy, it’s about finding someone committed. “Its about bringing out a version of the person even he/she didn’t know existed. That’s what powerful partnerships do. They reflect you. They challenge you. They push you toward your best self…if you let them,” said Delnna.
While noting that every relationship has friction, Delnna said that when there’s honesty, emotional safety, and the willingness to look at your shadows, that friction becomes fire. “Not the kind that burns down, but the kind that forges depth, clarity, and deep connection. When the world doubts your love, and even you aren’t sure of yourself, there’s one thing that can hold you steady: mutual growth. Not one person carrying the emotional weight of both. Not toxic compromise. But two people who hold the mirror, hold each other, and hold space for transformation,” said Delnna.
With patience, therapy, and the right support, even the most difficult personalities can soften and evolve.
“That’s the beauty of relationships that last. Not because they’re easy. But because they’re real. Because someone stayed when it was uncomfortable. Because both chose the slow work of becoming better, together.”
