Varun Dhawan on his appreciation for wife Natasha, fatherhood, and the emotional toll of ‘dad guilt’: ‘…mujhe khaa jaati hai andar se’

He continued, “But wo dad guilt, if that’s even a word, mujhe khaa jaati hai andar se… because meri jo biwi hai wo sab kuch karti ha bachchi ke liye. Single-handedly Natasha sab kuch kar rahi hai and just to be there with her as a co-parent, just to matlab help karna, just to hold… burp her, help out a little bit toh woh ek guilt hamesha mujhme hai (But this ‘dad guilt,’ if that’s even a word, eats me up inside… because my wife does everything for our baby. Natasha is managing everything single-handedly, and just being there with her as a co-parent — to help out, hold the baby, burp her, or assist even a little — there’s always this guilt within me for not doing enough).”

Admitting that he feels a sense of relief by having Natasha by his side since before he achieved fame and success as an actor, he said, “Kahi na kahi (somewhere) Natasha knew me before I knew myself. She saw the man within me whom I didn’t see.”

Exploring the emotional and psychological toll of dad guilt sheds light on how it affects fathers’ mental health and family dynamics.

Psychological reasons behind dad guilt

Psychologist Anjali Gursahaney tells indianexpress.com, “Dad guilt arises from societal expectations, personal beliefs, and the evolving dynamics of parenting roles. Key reasons include traditional gender roles, where the historical perception of fathers as primary breadwinners can lead to guilt if they prioritise work over family time. Modern expectations also play a role, as today’s fathers are expected to be emotionally present and actively involved, which can conflict with demanding careers.” 

Additionally, she says that comparison with mothers may cause fathers to feel they aren’t as naturally nurturing or competent, leading to self-doubt. Cultural or personal values, such as internalised beliefs about what constitutes a ‘good father,’ can create stress if they fall short of their standards. “In contrast, mom guilt often stems from societal expectations around being the primary caregiver, managing household tasks, and balancing career aspirations, which adds a unique layer of pressure on mothers.”

Balancing professional commitments with active parenting

According to Gursahaney, fathers can address guilt and create balance by:

• Setting Priorities: Define non-negotiable family time, such as attending key events or bedtime routines.
• Communicating with Employers: Negotiate flexible schedules, remote work options, or family-friendly hours.
• Sharing Responsibilities: Actively co-parent and discuss expectations with partners to distribute tasks evenly.
• Mindful Presence: When with family, focus entirely on them without distractions like work emails or phone calls.

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