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Journalism of Courage
In the modern dating world, where everything seems to be moving faster, a new trend encourages people to slow down and enjoy the process.
Known as ‘simmer dating,’ this new approach focuses on taking time with every relationship aspect. From the first message to the first date, simmer dating is all about meaningful connections built steadily, with less pressure to rush into labels or commitments.
As dating apps and social media often push for instant gratification, simmer dating offers a refreshing alternative for those who prefer to nurture relationships gradually. But what impact can this slower approach have on long-term relationship success?
Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, says, “Simmer dating or taking a gradual approach to romantic relationships aligns with fundamental concepts essential for building a lasting bond, such as emotional intimacy and communication. These elements are developed over time, and simmer dating provides a foundation that fosters them.”
Khangarot states, “A slow-paced relationship allows partners more time to understand each other and themselves. This gradual approach helps build trust and secure attachment, as individuals aren’t rushing and can better assess the relationship and identify potential red flags.”
Over time, she continues, empathy and self-awareness increase, strengthening the emotional connection. Unlike modern dating trends that focus on instant gratification, simmer dating helps partners form a deeper, more lasting bond.
Recent studies indicate a decline in attention spans, impairing effective communication.
A slower pace in dating allows for active listening and a better understanding of each other’s perspectives and communication styles.
Khangarot says, “This helps individuals identify their conflict resolution strategies and implement them in a relationship which helps in making a relationship healthy.” These strategies include clarifying whether a partner wants input or simply to be listened to during disagreements, thus reducing conflicts and strengthening emotional bonds.
Simmer dating is sometimes mistakenly seen as lacking clear goals or direction, says Khangarot. “However, it actually provides a valuable space for exchanging ideas and evaluating whether a partner aligns with one’s long-term goals.”
This gradual approach, she explains, helps individuals gain clarity about the relationship’s direction and whether it meets their expectations. “It offers a contrast to the often hasty conclusions drawn in faster-paced relationships, where decisions may be made without sufficient reflection.”
To prevent emotional stagnation and misunderstandings, Khangarot suggests, it is important for partners to be clear about their needs and wants. “Regular check-ins, open communication, and providing constructive feedback are crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. This ongoing dialogue helps partners understand each other’s feelings and expectations, addressing any issues before they become significant problems.”
By maintaining this open line of communication, she confirms that both partners can avoid emotional avoidance and ensure that the relationship remains fulfilling and aligned with their mutual goals.
