Are you proud of being extremely self-reliant? It might be a trauma response

Healthy independence means being self-sufficient and capable of relying on oneself, while also understanding the value of interdependence and seeking assistance when necessary. Mehezabin Dordi, Clinical Psychologist at Sir HN Reliance Foundation Hospital, said, “It’s characterised by balanced relationships and a willingness to ask for and accept support.”

Hyper-independence, on the other hand, involves an aversion to asking for help, even when it’s necessary. “[It is] often driven by an underlying fear of vulnerability or a need to avoid dependence due to past traumas.” stated Dordi.

Signs of hyper independence, according to the expert

-Reluctance or refusal to ask for help, even when it’s evidently required.
– A strong preference for working alone and making decisions independently.
– Challenges in trusting others and delegating responsibilities.
– Emotional detachment or avoidance of close relationships.
– Tendency to overwork or overcommit to demonstrate self-reliance.
– Feelings of guilt or inadequacy when depending on others.

Hyper independence can cause a tendency to overwork demonstrate self-reliance. (Source: Freepik)

Causes of hyper independence

Dordi mentioned, “Hyper-independence often develops as a trauma response, particularly in individuals who have experienced situations where dependence on others led to harm or betrayal. This could include childhood neglect, abuse, or any significant betrayal of trust.” As a coping mechanism, the individual becomes self-reliant to escape the pain and vulnerability that come with depending on others. This self sufficiency acts as a protective measure to maintain safety and control in an unpredictable environment.

Is hyper independence linked to other mental health issues as well?

Yes, hyper-independence is often associated with other mental health issues. It can be a symptom or consequence of conditions such as:

– Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): An individual may isolate themselves to avoid triggers or reminders of past trauma.

– Anxiety Disorders: Anxiety may be the driving force behind self reliance where the fear of being judged or failing others are dominant.

– Depression: Feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness might make it difficult to seek or accept help.

– Personality Disorders: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Avoidant Personality Disorder involving patterns of unstable relationships or fear of rejection can reinforce hyper-independent behaviours.

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