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Down in jungleland: If looks could kill

Or, why appearances can be very misleading.

At the most, you can expect orangutans to play a mischievous prank on you, but not to maliciously harm you in any way.

The scientific community has forever warned us against the dangers of anthropomorphism — the ascribing of human values — while studying animals. Animals, they insist, do not feel and think like we do: they are not sentient beings. This belief is coming under heavy fire these days as more and more evidence builds up (still, often anecdotal) against it. I, for one, do believe that your dog, at least, often knows exactly what you’re thinking and feeling and behaves accordingly.

But, at a more basic level, it still is easy to be fooled — usually by the facial expression and general demeanour of the animal. Dolphins, most of us agree, are lovely, smiling animals that live in the oceans and will come to the rescue of people who have foolishly fallen out of their boats. No creature with such a sweet smile on its face could do anyone any harm. Well, maybe not to us, perhaps, but ask that question to any of the dolphin’s prey! For them, this one is a smiling assassin!

Then, there’s that other smiling creature with the soft, gentle eyes: the orangutan. As babies, of course, they are irresistible, but even as adults, their eyes seem to shine forth with good humour and innocence. At the most, you can expect them to play a mischievous prank on you, or pick your pocket, but not to maliciously harm you in any way. Many years ago, I was embraced by an orangutan called Pinky at the Delhi zoo; while she looked up at me adoringly, the grip of her arms around my legs was formidable: she could have broken them as easily as we would snap a pencil. I hadn’t even brought her flowers or chocolates, something her keeper quickly realised and decided that we should break it off then and there before Pinky got upset. But I was flattered — and no, I would never allow a full-grown chimp, let alone a gorilla (no matter how pretty) to embrace me.

Elephants, too, have a benign smile on their faces and that easygoing, sashaying gait that you don’t generally associate with violence. Yet, elephants probably kill more people every year than tigers do. If there’s anything that makes you keep your distance from elephants, it’s their bulk; even a gentle accidental nudge from them can make you fall over badly.

The rhino is another animal whose facial expression is completely at odds with its temperament. Rhinos, big or small, all have baby faces and a hilarious lumbering gait. You wouldn’t really expect them to draw blood. However, rhinos are — for one reason or the other — notoriously short-tempered and like to charge before asking questions, their nasty incisors ready to rip you to shreds. The hippo in Africa, is another giant who you would never suspect of violence at first glance. However, they kill more people every year than all the big carnivores (So much for a vegetarian diet making you pacific and peace-loving!).

Polar bears, too, look relatively harmless, regardless of their bulk. Their black button eyes looking out of their snow-white faces seem inquiring and curious and their shambling gait often makes you laugh. Their cubs, again, leave girls gushing. But they are formidable and unpredictable killers and it’s best to stay as far away as possible from them.

Then we have frogs — again, smiling from ear to ear, singing lustily in spite of not being able to hold a single note, some as beautiful as jewels… and deadly poisonous, especially if they are the poison arrow frogs of South and Central America. A child would be hard-pressed not to smile back at them and reach out to touch them.

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Chameleons and many lizards, too, wear a smug, self-satisfied smile on their faces and seem a little retarded until that catapult tongue whips out and snares a cockroach. Then, of course, they nod with the satisfaction of a job well done!

Many animals, however, express their intentions very well. A lion, with his fabulous hairdo and that laid-back, utterly lazy expression on his face, really seems to be a rumbling, good-natured lord as he plays with his little princes and princesses. Of course, he has a short fuse and so the odd snarl will slip out. But you know that it could all change in an instant — when he’s taking over a new pride, for instance, and goes into a cub-killing rampage, there is no mercy to be had for anyone. This, alas, also happens at the family dinner table!

As for foxes and wolves, with their shrewd eyes and quivering noses and radar ears, they’ve always been the epitome of cunning. And no, you wouldn’t trust a crocodile — not with all those teeth sticking out of its patently false smile. Other animals make no bones about warning you off: either with skewer-like horns or six-inch canines, or dreadful spines and startling colours.

But, of course, all these creatures — whose looks belie their personality and intentions — are no match for that one species, who, since time immemorial, using charm, charisma and beguiling sweet-talk has taken the mickey out of millions of people around the world and broken a billion promises and hearts along the way. The human con artist: usually, also known as the politician.

Ranjit Lal is an author, environmentalist and bird watcher.


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