Pride Month: How to be a better ally to your queer friends and family

Psychologist Dr Nisha Khanna recounts her own experience when she told two of her colleagues on separate occasions that she identifies as asexual. “Both of them dismissed it saying, ‘it’s just a chemical imbalance’ or ‘you should go to a doctor, this isn’t possible’.”

Priya Vasnani, Consultant Clinical Psychologist, Fortis hospital, BG Road, Bengaluru says by fostering an environment of empathy, inclusivity, and respect, we can create a safe and affirming space that allows the queer community to thrive authentically.

Here are some meaningful ways to be a better ally and provide the emotional support the queer person in your life deserves.

It is important that the friends, family and other heterosexual allies of the queer community stand together to provide the emotional and mental support the rest of the society doesn’t. (Source: Unsplash)

Educate yourself

Begin by educating yourself about the diverse experiences and identities within the LGBTQIA+ community, advises Vasnani. “Explore reliable resources, read personal stories, and engage with LGBTQIA+ voices.”

Dr Khanna stresses that it’s not the responsibility of the queer person to educate you about the community or the people in it.

Dr Gorav Gupta, psychiatrist and co-founder of Emoneeds, a mental health startup, says to acknowledge the intersections of their identities, and standing alongside them in their pursuit of equality.

Practice active listening and empathise with them

“Give them the gift of genuine listening. Create a non-judgmental space where they can freely express themselves,” says Vasnani. Pay attention not only to their words but also to their emotions. It’s not about having all the answers; it’s about being present and actively supportive.

Malik says to respond with empathy, allowing the person to feel safe and respected about their needs and feelings. “When responded with empathy, the person feels more confident, loved and respected,” she adds.

Respect their chosen identities and pronouns; but do not make assumptions

Respecting your loved one’s chosen identities and pronouns is paramount. “Use the names and pronouns they prefer, honouring their self-identified gender. If you’re unsure, kindly ask and make the effort to get it right,” Vasnani advises.

But do not make assumptions about their identity unless they’ve categorically told you what they identify as, says Dr Khanna. You must allow them the space to be themselves free of judgement and assumptions.

Practice discretion

Malik recommends practicing discretion when it comes to the queer person in your life. “They might have shared something with you because they felt safe, loved etc., but they might not share it with others, so do not share that information with anyone else, without their permission,” she says.

This includes something as basic as who they identify as.

Advocate and stand up

Dr Gupta explains that by actively advocating for LGBTQIA+ rights, “we can contribute to creating inclusive policies, fostering positive mental health, and reducing disparities in access to care.”

Become an ally in your daily life. “Challenge homophobic or transphobic remarks and behaviours. Stand up against discrimination and inequality wherever you encounter it,” Vasnani says.

When your loved ones see you being vocal about the discrimination, they will feel seen and supported.

Offer supportive resources

Dr Gupta recommends establishing safe spaces where they feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, fears, and joys, knowing they are genuinely seen and heard.

Vasnani suggests sharing supportive resources with your loved ones, as they can provide additional support, understanding, and a sense of community.

“Research local LGBTQIA+ organisations, support groups, or therapists who specialise in queer-affirmative care,” she says.

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