‘I saw her in front of my eyes, passing away’: Actor Vivek Oberoi recalls the heartbreak of losing his first love and the future they had imagined together; expert on processing grief

But that dream ended abruptly, leaving him devastated. “Suddenly, I found out in January, and in March, she passed away.”

Effects of early encounter with grief on emotional development and sense of identity later in life

Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, tells indianexpress.com, “Losing a loved one during adolescence can profoundly shape emotional development and identity formation. Research indicates that adolescence is a pivotal stage for the development of autonomy, attachment patterns, and self-concept (Erikson, 1968). An early encounter with grief can disrupt this trajectory, leading to heightened vulnerability to depression, anxiety, or complicated grief (Melhem et al., 2011). Studies highlight that unresolved grief in adolescence can impair emotional regulation and increase risk-taking behaviours as coping mechanisms (Kaplow et al., 2010).” 

She continues, “However, protective factors—such as strong peer support, open communication about the loss, and meaning-making processes—can foster resilience and post-traumatic growth (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 2004).” Thus, early grief can be both a risk factor and a catalyst, deeply influencing emotional maturity and one’s evolving sense of self.

How does the sudden loss of that imagined future complicate the grieving process?

The sudden loss of a loved one not only brings the pain of absence but also the collapse of a future imagined with them. “Psychologically, this ‘secondary loss’ intensifies grief, as the mourner must grieve both the person and the unrealised possibilities (Neimeyer, 2001). For adolescents and young adults, whose sense of self is intertwined with future aspirations, this rupture can lead to identity confusion, feelings of emptiness, and prolonged grief reactions. The grieving process becomes more complex as individuals struggle to reconstruct meaning, redefine goals, and integrate the loss into a new life narrative (Stroebe & Schut, 2010).” states Khangarot. 

Coping strategies to process grief healthily at a young age

Losing a partner or best friend during teenage years can feel like losing a part of yourself. Khangarot mentions that healthy coping starts with allowing space to feel the grief instead of pushing it away. Talking openly with trusted people — family, friends, or a counsellor — helps prevent bottled-up emotions. Writing, art, or music can give an outlet when words feel hard. 

Keeping small rituals, she adds, like journaling memories or honouring anniversaries, helps in holding on without being stuck. Slowly, setting new goals and building new connections creates a sense of future again. Support and self-care make it possible to carry love forward, not pain.

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