‘Unhone kaha yeh sab bakwaas hai ..’: When Dia Mirza opened up about getting selected for Miss India 2000; role of father’s support in influencing daughter’s life choices

Rehna Hai Tere Dil Me actor revealed that her father tried to reason with her mom, saying that it would be a great learning opportunity for her. “Meri mom ne to keh diya bilkul nahi lekin abba ne bola ki nhi isko jane do. Ek naya experience milega ise. Ek nay sheher jayegi, akele rehna seekhegi, bahut kuch seekh kar ayegi.”

She recalled that her father believed that parents can only empower their kids to be independent, and that the kids should have the freedom to choose their path themselves: “Mujhe yad hai ki unhone hi kaha tha bahut vehemenly mom se .. jane do, tumne isko bada kara hai independent hone k liy. You’ve empowered her. Now let her be. Let her discover her path.  Ye nahi ki ki since you believe that she is an intelligent girl, she has to only pursue a path that you believe that she should.” Mirza fondly added that her father was progressive and ahead of his time: “Abba itne liberal, itne forward thinking ke.., itne balanced aur evolved insan the.”

Taking a cue from former Miss Asia Pacific International, we reached out to Neha Cadabam, Sr Psychologist at Cadabams Mind Talk, to understand how important a father’s role is in his daughter’s future choices. 

1. How important is a father’s encouragement for an adult daughter making big life or career decisions?

Cadabam explains that even after a daughter becomes an adult, a father’s voice still holds emotional weight. “Fatherly encouragement often signals emotional safety, validation, and belief. Psychologically, when a parent, especially a father in many cultures, affirms your goals, it helps internalise a sense of competence and permission to act boldly,” says the psychologist. She further states that, as per empirical work, a “strong father-daughter relationship correlates with higher well‑being, lower psychological distress, and greater fulfilment of basic psychological needs.”  She adds that the steady backing of a father can scaffold a daughter’s willingness to take risks, knowing she has emotional backing if she stumbles.

Why does support from a parent matter even after a child has grown up and is independent? 

The psychologist clarifies that even though one might assume that parental influence fades after independence, it is far from the truth. She explains that human beings carry “emotional scripts and internal working models (from attachment theory)” into adulthood. “Those early patterns of support or criticism get internalised—so even as adults, we are still listening to those voices. Daughters with insecure attachment patterns (anxiety or avoidance toward father) often report lower psychological well-being in emerging adulthood, partly mediated by how they communicate—or fail to communicate—their needs.” When a parent remains supportive, it helps rewrite those scripts, and the person begins to believe that they are allowed to succeed, to err, to ask for help. 

 How can fathers help daughters take risks and explore new experiences without being overbearing? 

Cadamab suggeststhe  following guiding principles:

• Autonomy‑support: Instead of prescribing the next move, fathers can express belief (“I believe in you”) and provide resources or mentoring, letting the daughter lead the decision.
• Gradual exposure to challenges: Encourage small risks first, like travel, workshops, side projects, and celebrate attempts even if they fail. 
• Normalise failure and uncertainty: When fathers share their own mistakes or doubts, it humanises risk-taking and reduces shame around setbacks.
• Ask, don’t push: “What do you want? How can I support?” invites collaboration instead of control.
• Emotional safety net: Let her know that setbacks won’t withdraw your emotional support, and your love or respect doesn’t depend on perfect success.

For daughters who don’t receive this kind of support from parents, how can they build confidence and make bold choices on their own?

Cadabams recommends the given psychological strategies grounded in research and therapy practice:

• Internalise encouragement: Start writing your own affirmations or journal letters to yourself. Over time, internal voices can shift from “I’m not allowed” to “I’m worthy.”
• Find surrogate mentors and role models: Seek mentors, coaches, peers—people who believe in you and mirror the support you lacked.
• Gradual mastery & micro‑risks: Begin with small projects outside your comfort zone. Each small success builds mastery and self-efficacy (Bandura’s concept). Parental support is one path to self-efficacy; internal mastery is another. 
• Therapeutic reframing: Work with a psychologist or coach to reprocess internalised critical voices and rewrite core beliefs.
• Affirmation networks: Build a circle of friends, communities, or peer groups that consistently affirm you. Social support can mimic—and sometimes substitute for—parental support.
• Reflection on values and meaning: Anchor decisions in intrinsic values (e.g. growth, creativity, service), not just external validation.

“While fatherly encouragement is powerful, it is not the only path to inner confidence. Daughters can, through deliberate action and emotional work, become their own strongest backers,”: she concludes.

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