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Journalism of Courage
R Madhavan has responded to the criticism surrounding his character in Rehnaa Hai Terre Dil Mein, a film that has developed a cult following despite its problematic elements.
Over the years, discussions around the movie have shifted, with many pointing out how the lead character’s behaviour — lying and stalking the woman he likes — is troubling. However, Madhavan believes the film is being unfairly judged using a “Western yardstick.”
During an interview with Mashable India, the actor stated, “Main inn sab baaton se bilkul sehmati nahi rakhta. Ye green flag, blue flag ye sab cheezein nikkamme logon ka nikkamma kaam hai. Mera maanna hai ki ek gentleman hona zaroori hai. Bachpan se hume sikhaya gaya hai ki ladies se kaise baat ki jaaye, kaise unhe approach kiya jaaye, aur ye hamesha hamari sanskriti ka ek hissa raha hai. Badmaash toh hote hi hain. Par aap hume Western yardstick se judge nahi kar sakte (I completely disagree with all this. These concepts like green flag, blue flag—these are just meaningless things said by idle people. I believe it’s important to be a gentleman. Since childhood, we were taught how to talk to women, how to approach them, and this has always been a part of our culture. Of course, there are troublemakers everywhere, but you can’t judge us using a Western yardstick).”
He also explained that back in those days, if someone fell in love with a woman, they had to find out where she lived, follow her home, and then figure out a way to reach out to her — because there were no other options. “Aap usko track kiye bagair, uske peeche jaakar voh kahan rehti hai, voh jaane bagair, use contact kar hi nahi sakte. Kaise karta koi insan? (Without tracking her, without following her home, you couldn’t contact her. How could anyone do it?)”
Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, tells indianexpress.com, “Even if someone pursues another person with romantic intentions, repeated unwanted advances can have severe psychological and emotional effects on the recipient. Research in the field of psychology suggests that stalking victims often experience heightened anxiety, stress, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The feeling of being watched, followed or persistently contacted can create a sense of helplessness and fear affecting their everyday life and mental wellbeing.”
She says that psychologists suggest that when someone repeatedly oversteps another person’s boundaries, it undermines their sense of autonomy and safety. “This is especially concerning when cultural narratives normalise such behaviour, making victims second guess their discomfort. Studies indicate that individuals who experience stalking are at a higher risk of developing depression, trust issues, and difficulty in forming new relationships.”
The brain processes consistent unwanted attention as a threat, adds Khangarot, triggering fight or flight responses that can result in long-term emotional distress. Even if someone eventually gives in to persistence, it is often due to coercion or societal pressure rather than genuine affection.
Khangarot stresses, “To strike a balance between traditional romantic ideals and modern understanding of consent, society must embrace that the idea of healthy relationships stem from mutual respect, not persistent persuasion. Courtship should be based on communication and agency, where both parties express clear interest rather than one person trying to win over another.”
One can achieve this balance by early education about consent, she says, emphasising that love isn’t about proving dedication through relentless persuit but about recognising and respecting personal boundaries.
“Cinema and media play a significant role in shaping romantic ideals and by portraying healthier courtship models, they can influence how future generations understand love and relationships,” concludes the expert.
