Akansha Ranjan Kapoor reveals ‘the greenest flag’ in her partner: ‘I am not easy, I am a lot for men to handle’

Elaborating on how her now partner and filmmaker Sharan Sharma has changed her mindset, Ranjan Kapoor said: “I have always had boundaries. Like, my sister, my friends and then my family. And my sister would say this is not healthy. Like, your partner has to be the centre of your world. And I was like ‘no no men don’t deserve to be made all that’. But now those boundaries are broken. Not even broken, but melted beautifully.”

Shruti Padhye, Senior Psychologist, at Mpower Aditya Birla Education Trust shared some key traits to watch out for when choosing a partner:

Emotional maturity over chemistry

While that initial infatuation or “spark” can be captivating, what truly helps a relationship sustain over time is emotional maturity and emotional compatibility. It is easier to give in to the chemistry which could come in the form of physical attraction and much more difficult to gauge someone’s emotional capabilities. Can this person own up to their actions, offer a sincere apology, and handle conflicts without resorting to blame or avoidance? If they can’t, that initial allure may quickly fade when faced with the realities of life.

Values, not just hobbies

We often focus on shared interests that are great, but it’s the shared values that really matter. While sharing the same interests and hobbies eases building the initial phases of the relationship, what helps a relationship sustain is the ability to have shared values about the way of being. Do you both see eye to eye on money, family, ambition, spirituality, and parenting? Differences in these fundamental areas can lead to long-term tension that even the best playlists can’t fix.

Akansha with her partner Sharan Sharma, filmmaker of Mr and Mrs Mahi. (Source: Instagram/@akansharanjankapoor)

Their relationship with themselves

I have clients coming into sessions wanting to rush to be in a relationship without realising how important it is to have a relationship with yourself first; wanting to have a partner just because you fear being alone is not when you start looking for one. Having a relationship with yourself doesn’t just involve going for spas, getting your nails done or taking a trip; although this is all an important part of taking care of yourself. What needs your attention is how to talk to yourself and how aware you are about your physical and emotional needs.

Similarly, pay close attention to how they talk about themselves, how they deal with setbacks, and whether they can sit with uncomfortable feelings. Someone who is emotionally self-aware and capable of introspection is less likely to project their issues onto you and most likely to also hold a space for you when you are at your lowest.

Your nervous system around them

This might sound a bit unusual, but notice how your body reacts when you’re with them. Do you feel safe, calm, and understood, or are you constantly on edge, seeking validation or fearing misunderstanding? Our nervous system often picks up on things our minds try to rationalize away.

Relationship history and attachment styles

It’s not about counting past partners or passing judgment, but rather understanding how they’ve handled previous relationships. Do they take responsibility for their part, or do they label every ex as “crazy”? Patterns in their past can be quite telling.

Your dating lexicon may not include terms like ‘red flags’ and ‘green flags’, but identifying such traits in a prospective partner can help avoid toxic relationships. That is what Heeramandi: The Diamond Dazaar actor Sonakshi Sinha also believes in. As such, she shared 3 red flags in men in conversation with podcaster Raj Shamani.

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