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Journalism of Courage
Founder editor of three hugely popular magazines, Stardust, Society and Celebrity, iconic Indian author, columnist, publisher, storyteller, public speaker, glamour-gal-with-gravitas, style icon, sari revivalist, mother of six (2 by marriage and 4 of her own), and grandmother to more kids than one hand can count, Shobhaa De is the one I head to when I miss my mum. She is my anchor and my go-to person when I need a muse, who brings good sense, good conscience, good empathy and copious sums of practicality. Yes, Shobhaa is that comforting person for me in Mumbai who welcomes me with no fuss, without pretense, any time of day or night, planned or unplanned. She opens home and heart and uses the concoctions from the hearth to heal what is ailing and inspire what needs inspiration. She lives and loves with insatiable hunger, and her memoir Insatiable: My Hunger for Life (HarperCollins, 2023), gives us a wondrous glimpse into the life of this enormously staggering human of mind-boggling talents and generosity.
I first met Shobhaa in my teens in Delhi with the gay owners of Krishna at Chaupal, an antique store in Hauz Khas Village. Sardar Mahijit Singh Ahluwalia and his partner, Nalin Tomar, and I were smitten by Shobhaa – by her writing, her deep, extensive knowledge, her quick wit that was laced with kindness, and her ancestral grace and soulful beauty. Her second novel, Starry Nights (Penguin, 1991), had just come out, and its characters’ lives had caught the obsession of people everywhere. What moved us three gay men was the conversations it aroused and how those discussions were leading to a greater openness around sexuality, gender and sex. In the land of the Kamasutra, where the British had left behind their prudishness, Shobhaa, through her fiction that mirrored our reality, was teaching us to be more human, more fluid, more accepting, and more Indian.
During the pandemic, my mentee and pretty much adopted son, chef Vardaan Marwah, went to Maldives to attend the Jaipur Literature Festival. I was there to discuss my book Instamatic (Milap, 2020) with a budding writer and luxury brand consultant, Anandita De. Due to flight delays I got to the island 36 hours later than planned, and in that time, Anandita had reached out to Vardaan and they had already become friends. Even before I made it to the island hotel, I had been warned that I was going to be meeting Ana De and her family, who Vardaan said knew everything about me and were excited to meet me. I had anticipated the love and affection that would be poured over me by a journalist and her family, but I hadn’t yet made the connection that Anandita’s parents were Dilip and Shobhaa De.
Our first meeting was love at first sight, and we all got along famously. Banter and noshing, hopeful energy and tireless indulgence of the here and now, passionate open conversations, supernal wordsmithing, intuitively empathetic caring, and a hungry love for food – these became the glue that connected us and still keeps us together. Vardaan and I discovered a new family and our lives have never been the same.
Ana and I had a wonderful session, a first-ever for her in conversation with an author, and a first for me at the JLF. From Ana’s questions I got a sense of the hours and hours of homework she had done in researching my life and Instamatic. She was quick to point out that, having a mom who has never missed a deadline in 53 years, she came to writing and the world of books and authors with a very tough act to follow.
A woman who by her own admission “cannot count, swim or type”, Shobhaa has not just floated her way through the ocean of life, but sailed ship-shape in the eye of storms. She has penned nearly 25 books, scores of soap operas, numerous columns and features, and has been at the receiving end of lucrative deals that have achieved huge success for many lucky businesses counting the gazillions of rupees she has earned for them. It is this ability to be disruptive without being destructive, to deliver without fuss, to come out victorious without a fight, that is the trademark of Shobhaa De, the person and brand. That she doesn’t look back at life and question what was but instead gives today her best and most, makes her bursting with life and younger than young. Dancing is her passion, and it doesn’t matter what time or where; for her the music never stops, and having spring in her step and rhythm in her moves is de rigueur.
Shobhaa claims she is selfish in being involved and concerned about her family, but isn’t that what a family is meant for and wants. She has told me on more than one occasion that she is 110 per cent invested in family, and she often says that compassion is the one quality she finds irresistible. She loathes nothing more than someone who is conceited and self-obsessed, understanding our limitations and that of others is a way of becoming better versions of ourselves, even if not always succeeding, and if we can help our family and close friends get to those places where they find fulfillment and joy, that is most rewarding.
Even before I moved to the city, Shobhaa and Anandita began planting the seeds of my life’s Mumbai chapter. After juggling six kids with very different personalities, none even remotely submissive, Shobhaa handled me with just the elan my mum brings to the table. Every minute is consumed by her concern for family and loved ones, and I have experienced Shobhaa inspire and teach, guide and empower me in ways that give me a friendly push to do what is correct, even if unpopular and less exciting.
As spring turns to summer, and as the days get excruciatingly hot and rather challenging, I find myself turning towards Shobhaa and her calm and hardworking demeanor and her cooler than a cucumber way of living and loving. Shobhaa is an insatiably hungry human who through her life’s work and her generosity of self has shown us that hunger is underrated. She has told me that “we don’t put enough value on our bhookh (hunger)”, and instead put too much emphasis on material beauty and non-essentials, when true beauty lies in “those things we do that feed all our senses to deeply soul-stirring satiety”.
My tired mind and heat-burnt soul find in Shobhaa De a sage voice that comes clothed in fascinating silhouettes and patterns with empathetic friendliness that is disarming, healing, exciting and fresh, because it creates its own path, based entirely on a holistic connection to self and to the present, with respect for family and tradition and our shared connection to the planet. Both Insatiable, her book, and her insatiably inspiring personality have me madly inspired and hungry to, as Shobhaa De would say, “Live the best in this moment, giving it everything you can with laser focus, keeping your fingers crossed and enjoying the journey”.
