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Journalism of Courage
We all know that tiger moms may spend two years training their cubs to hunt so they can set out on their own, once they’re older. What is not so well known is that modern tiger moms also train their cubs in other departments. Down in Jungleland was present, (as an observer) for one such class:
Tiger Mom: Okay, kids listen up, today, we shall learn about one very important aspect of life in a Tiger Reserve and National Park.
Raja-beta: What’s that? Does it involve eating?
Tiger Mom: Not directly.
Rani-bitiya: Tell us mom!
Tiger Mom: It is to do with how to deal with tourists!
Both cubs: What’s tourists?
Tiger Mom: They’re those hairless, usually fat, two-legged creatures called humans that drive around in those noisy contraptions called Gypsys, pointing what looks like guns and phones at us and make more noise than a troop of langurs!
Cubs: Why do they do that, mama?
Tiger mom: Because they want to see us and take our videos!
Rani-bitiya: (wrinkling her face) Who the heck would want to look at Raja? He’s gross!
Raja: Oh yeah? I’ll gross you out in a second.
Tiger Mom: That’s enough babies. They want to see us because there are so few of us left. So they take photographs and videos of us and send them to their friends and go all goo-goo and gaga over us.
Rani-bitiya: Why are there so few of us left?
Tiger Mom: Because they shot nearly all of us, in the past… Then they realised that we control all life in the forests, and if we became extinct the forests would be destroyed, and so will they be… Besides, they think we’re the best-looking of all the big cats.
Raja-beta: (smugly, looking at his reflection in the waterhole) That, I am!
Rani-bitiya: Can we play with them?
Tiger Mom: No: they will scream and die of fright if you mock them like you do to each other… Now listen, at any one time there may be 25 or more Gypsies surrounding us, crammed with these chattering idiots. It can be scary, because they have no respect for privacy and have no manners and terrible BO. The best thing to do is to ignore them as much as possible. If I think they’re getting too close, I’ll take control. (Smiles) One good canine-baring snarl and they’ll flee. But remember, when they flee, some may pee, but this is not them marking territory as we do, so it doesn’t warrant a response! It’s just out of sheer fright.
Rani-bitiya: What if we are playing in the waterhole when they come? Do we run away?
Tiger Mom: No need to.
Rani-bitiya: (horrified) But Mom we’ll be nangu-pangu in the pool!
Tiger Mom: Baby, we’re always nangu-pangu!
Rani bitiya: Are they nangu-pangu?
Tiger Mom: Thank God, no! If they were we would have to run away!
Raja-beta: Why, mom?
Tiger Mom: Because it’s something you wouldn’t want to see in your worst nightmare! They’re usually fat and flabby and completely gross!
Raja-beta: (smacking his lips): If they’re fat they may be juicy!
Tiger Mom: They’ll be bad for your heart and cholesterol and then you won’t be able to chase chital and sambar and you’ll become like them. Besides, eating them means big trouble. One of your uncles became what’s called a man-eater and they came after him, trapped him and took him away to another forest hundreds of kilometres away. The fellow came back, and continued attacking them, so they shot him.
Rani-bitiya: If uncle knew they were so bad to eat, why did he do so?
Tiger Mom: (with a sigh) The silly human he sampled got off his Gypsy, and was chasing a bird. Your uncle was sleeping nearby and got startled and swiped at him. He took just a bite (to soothe his nerves I suppose) and fled. Bas, after that he was declared to be a man-eater. Alas, some of us do develop a taste for them (grimaces) and eat many of them, which gives all of us a bad name… But those tigers are either just lazy (and humans are very easy to take down), or have been injured and can’t hunt normally.
Rani-bitiya: Hmm… so, this means we just let them watch us bathe nangu-pangu and take photographs…
Tiger Mom: (Smiling]) Baby, it could put you on the cover of National Geographic, and have Sir David Attenborough say lovely things about us.
Both cubs: But Mom, there’s no fun in all of this for us. Can we have fun with them?
Tiger Mom: (Smiling more) Yes, we can! We can drive them nuts by leaving fresh pugmarks all over their Gypsy tyre tracks, and sneaking right alongside them without allowing them ever to catch a glimpse of us. They go crazy with frustration then! The bottom line: See but don’t be seen! That should be your motto! It’ll help you when you are seriously hunting, too.
Rani-bitiya: Mama, the whole jungle knows when Raja-beta moves around. He’s like those tourists.
Raja-beta: I’ll show you who’s like what! (Jumps on her and they begin wrestling).
Tiger Mom: Okay kids, that’s enough (Cocks her ears) I think the first Gypsy-load is on its way. Let’s just melt away: they’ll see all our fresh pugmarks in the mud and weep.
Rani-bitiya: Serves them right, wanting to see us bathe nangu-pangu, I tell you.
