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Journalism of Courage
Archana Puran Singh, who has a seven-year age gap with husband Parmeet Sethi and has had a successful marriage of 33 years, once opened up about not letting your partner go just because he is younger. “I won’t say that marrying someone younger than you is very good. Because if society has been following this norm, it is for a reason that the woman is supposed to have children and a biological clock. But in our industry, all roles are reversed. I have also earned. We also have men who are caregivers at home. So, a lot of roles that were defined before are becoming grey and mixed,” said Singh.
She stressed that age is not a criterion for a successful marriage. “If you have a boyfriend or partner who is younger than you, then don’t leave just because he is younger. There are several other reasons for the marriage not to work. The flip side, that older men and younger women have better marriages, that’s also not true. Aisa bhi toh nahi hai. (It is also not that too).”
Even with age differences, successful marriages are built on shared values, mutual respect, and the ability to adapt to life’s evolving stages. “By promoting vulnerability, learning from each other’s experiences, and cultivating a playful spirit, couples can create a thriving and long-lasting partnership,” said Dr Chandni Tugnait, psychotherapist, coach and healer, founder and director, Gateway of Healing.
Key factors for thriving in age-diverse marriages
Shared values over chronological age: While age differences can sometimes raise eyebrows, shared values, respect, and emotional alignment determine a successful marriage. “Compatibility in core values, life goals, and vision for the future matters more than the number of years between partners. When both individuals align on what matters most, age becomes just a number,” said Dr Tugnait.
Embracing different life stages: One of the most critical aspects of an age-gap marriage is understanding that you may be at different stages in life. What one partner values at a certain age may differ, and that’s okay. Instead of seeing these differences as obstacles, they can be seen as an opportunity to learn from each other’s experiences. “A partner may offer wisdom from their past, while the other may bring in fresh perspectives. Embracing these differing stages strengthens the connection,” said Dr Tugnait.
Creating a safe space for vulnerability: The key to thriving in an age-difference marriage is creating a safe environment where both partners feel comfortable being vulnerable. “Embracing vulnerability allows couples to express their insecurities, fears, and dreams without judgment. When both partners feel emotionally safe, the relationship flourishes as it builds trust and emotional intimacy, transcending the age gap,” said Dr Tugnait.
Maintaining individuality within unity: While being a united couple is essential, preserving personal identities and pursuing individual passions is equally important. “When both partners can freely pursue their interests, it encourages personal growth and fulfillment outside the relationship, which in turn enriches the relationship itself. This balance allows for mutual respect, as each person remains true to themselves while contributing to the collective strength and depth of the partnership,” said Dr Tugnait.
