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Journalism of Courage
Actor-turned-author Twinkle Khanna may have made her public debut in Hindi cinema, but it’s through writing that she has built a more resonant and enduring voice. The author of several bestselling titles, Khanna has earned praise for her sharp wit and honest reflections on modern Indian life. Yet, her entry into films wasn’t guided by passion, but by expectation.
“Like many people here, I’m sure, whatever their parents did… if they had a mithai (sweets) shop, you became a mithaiwala. It was as simple as that. My parents were very keen, my mother (Dimple Kapadia) was very keen. I had applied for my CA entrance exam, because that’s what I wanted to do, strangely. And my mother told me, ‘This is the only time that you can become an actress, and later you can do what you like,’” Twinkle revealed during a conversation with Divya Jain.
Looking back on how her life might have unfolded differently, she added, “You know, what the hell? You forced me into something. I could have had a successful career as a writer right from then. Then she responds something like, ‘Well, what would you have done now? You would have become obsolete.’ So yeah, she used to have the last word even then.”
Twinkle also addressed a broader, more universal issue — how parents often project their ambitions onto their children, sometimes unintentionally: “I think as mothers, our ambitions and ideas often get passed on to our children. And we shouldn’t do that. You look at your child, you look at your child’s strengths and skills, and just go by that, not what you think is best for them. Because eventually, they will shun that and shine in the way they can.”
Jai Arora, counselling psychologist and co-founder of Kirana Counselling, tells indianexpress.com, “It’s surprisingly common for parents to unknowingly project their aspirations, or regrets, onto their children. This can happen subtly: a father who never became a cricketer pushing his son into training, or a mother with an unfinished acting career encouraging her daughter to face the spotlight.”
It can take a toll on the child’s self-identity because for a child fulfilling the dreams of the parent and then getting safety and comfort as a child can co-relate. Arora states, “When their choices are shaped more by external expectations than internal inclinations, children may grow up second-guessing themselves, unsure where their desires begin.”
All humans crave autonomy, agency and freedom. Arora mentions that even if we were told all the right answers to life, we would go out, experiment, make poor decisions and charter our own path. While compliance may initially seem easier, it can come at the cost of authenticity. A misaligned career can delay the discovery of one’s true calling, sometimes for years.
“It is very possible that a person may become ‘successful’ by external metrics, but inwardly feel disconnected or still unhappy. Simply because it is not their definition of success,” says the expert.
According to Arora, healthy parental support can involve:
Active listening: Understanding what excites or energises the child.
Offering options, not mandates: Presenting possibilities without attaching shame or pressure.
Encouraging exploration: Letting children try different paths without fear of failure.
Respecting timing: Not rushing decisions or confusing “potential” with “destiny.”
