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Journalism of Courage
Being a new mother can be challenging — both physically and mentally. Encapsulating something similar is actor-vlogger Debina Bonnerjee who gave birth to her second daughter, Divisha, in November last year, seven months after her firstborn, Lianna. Over the months, she has kept her followers updated with her motherhood journey and the various challenges that come along. Sharing something similar, Debina took to her YouTube Channel, Debina Decodes, to capture the various anxieties a new mother goes through and what they can do to combat the same.
“After a baby is born, the whole society talks about the baby. The baby is surrounded by the entire world. In fact, even the mother is always thinking about the baby. After a baby is born, the mother feels very empty,” she started out saying in the video, explaining how a mother feels empty after the delivery. “Suddenly, she misses those kicks, all that was happening inside of her. You feel that the baby was most protected inside of you. After coming out in the world, there’s so much that you think about – she might get sick, get a cold, how is she sleeping? We check the baby 10 times. When the baby is inside, there’s a kind of confidence that she is all right. Then the mother has to share the baby with the whole world. You are immediately sharing that baby who was only yours with the whole world.”
Next, Debina opened up about the mom’s guilt that several new mothers experience. “You want to do everything for the child. Sometimes, I feel that when the baby grows up, she will treat us like how we treated our parents. So, it’s a world of contradictions. I know this overwhelming feeling comes to every woman after she gives birth to her child. I guess this is what you call post-natal anxiety. While some people go to work after 12 days of delivery, others take a break of two years. There’s no right or wrong in it. If a woman is feeling good about it, just let her do it,” she said.
Debina, who is breastfeeding her second baby, said that the beginning of this feeding journey is indeed difficult. This is because breastfeeding mothers experience sore breasts, sore nipples, the baby not latching, and the guilt that they are not producing enough milk for their child. “Remember, it is our stress that makes the baby uncomfortable. For the last couple of months, I was really struggling. I changed many doctors. I could not understand what exactly is happening. I felt that she was often falling sick. I then realised that it is your thought which is making the baby sick. While nobody can control thoughts, you can convert those thoughts to positive ones,” she said, on how she changed her thought process.
The 39-year-old felt that her relationship with her daughter changed after she started being positive. “You may think that being a second-time mom is easy for me but every baby is different. With every baby, you are a different mother. You are learning something different from each one of them,” she said.
She asked new mothers to not follow generalised advice given by others, detailing her own experience. “For two months, I was constantly thinking about what am I eating that is leading to my baby getting colic pain and gas. So I stopped eating everything and that started affecting me mentally. I was wondering what to do to make her feel comfortable. But, her stomach pain was just not going away. I got so much advice on how the stomach pain will go. I had given up eating legumes, cauliflower, etc. I thought she is getting gas because of me,” she said.
While dealing with her daughter’s ‘stomach pain‘, Debina found a doctor who changed her perception. “She broke a lot of my myths. I addressed Divisha’s gas problem with her and she asked me to lay her down and I did. The doctor pressed below her ear and she started crying more. She said that she doesn’t have stomach pain but ear pain. We had to give her ear drops in both ears for five days. And, the doctor told me she is absolutely fine. The whole thing changed and her constant crying stopped. Our constant stress stopped.”
The actor shared that the medical expert asked her to feed the baby on demand – feeding only when she cries. “It’s not important for me to feed her every two hours but only when she cries. Your relationship with the baby is not limited to feeding. There are so many more things. Talk to her and they will enjoy.”
Further, to prevent choking, it was suggested to Debina to use an elevated pillow for the baby for the first three months. “What happens is when the baby has a reflux as sometimes after drinking, milk comes out from the baby’s mouth, it won’t go back to the nose and there won’t be any choking,” she said.
Concluding, she asked mothers to do their own thing. “Understand your baby. Remove stress from your mind. Your baby will be fine,” Debina said.
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