Rashmika Mandanna opens up about key qualities she seeks in a partner: ‘My most important thing in a relationship is…’

To understand how these attributes help foster a strong relationship, indianexpress.com spoke to Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room.

How can individuals identify if their attachment styles align with their partners’, and why is this important?

“Attachment styles—Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, or Disorganised—shape how individuals approach intimacy,” says Khangarot. To identify alignment, observe partners:

• Secure individuals feel comfortable with closeness and independence, often creating balance in relationships.
• Anxious individuals may say, “You didn’t text me back. Do you even care about me?” They crave constant reassurance.
• Avoidant individuals might respond, “I need space; why are you so needy?” They fear losing independence.

Alignment isn’t about identical styles, she says, but understanding each other’s needs. “A secure partner can ease an anxious partner’s fears, while mutual awareness helps avoidant and anxious styles navigate their differences.”

Simple role-playing, like responding to a stressed partner with, ‘I’m here for you, let me know how I can help,’ or offering non-verbal support through a hug or eye contact, can offer immense comfort. (Source: Freepik)

Cultivating kindness and respect

Rashmika’s emphasis on comfort aligns with research showing that emotional safety fosters respect. Kindness and respect stem from active listening and empathy. Khangarot suggests complimenting your partner, acknowledging their efforts, or expressing gratitude daily. 

“Couples should apologise and validate each other’s emotions after a disagreement. For example, if one partner says, ‘I feel ignored,’ the other can respond, ‘I understand why you felt that way; let me work on this,’” she says.

Potential challenges of being with a partner whose emotional approach or attachment style differs

Khangarot stresses, “When attachment styles clash, in some cases, misunderstandings arise. An anxious partner may interpret an avoidant partner’s need for space as rejection, while the avoidant partner may feel suffocated.” For instance:

• Anxious partner: “Why don’t you ever share how you feel with me?”
• Avoidant partner: “I don’t like being pushed. I need time to process.”

Such dynamics can lead to frustration unless addressed. Open communication and therapy can help partners navigate these differences, allowing them to meet each other halfway.

Developing empathy and better communication

“Empathy in a relationship involves truly understanding and connecting with your partner’s feelings. Instead of dismissing their emotions, such as saying ‘You’re overreacting,’ try validating their experience with phrases like, ‘I can see why this is so hard for you.’ Active listening — rephrasing what they share — reinforces their emotions,” asserts Khangarot. 

Simple role-playing, like responding to a stressed partner with, ‘I’m here for you, let me know how I can help,’ or offering non-verbal support through a hug or eye contact, can offer immense comfort. When both partners practice empathy, kindness, and respect, it fosters emotional security, helping build a stronger and lasting connection.

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