Is being friends with your ex ever a good idea?

Ambika Chawla, lead clinical psychologist, Lissun, explained that there are certain situations where one can remain friends with their ex.

• When longtime friends have converted their friendship into a romantic relationship are seen to step backwards into friendship, when the relationship doesn’t flourish.
• When neither of the partners has invested emotionally, they are easily able to transform the relationship into the spectrums of friendship.

Mostly, Chawla noted that individuals come to her (psychologists) with the struggle of forgetting their exes or the relationship itself, especially when they are still in the grieving process of losing the relationship or the person from their lives.

“‘To forget’ the whole time becomes their agenda, and that’s because it interferes with the pleasant memories they had created.  The incongruence of what and how they imagined their future life to be and how it turned out actually gives immense discomfort, and this leaves the ex as a villain. Many individuals develop excessive animosity towards their ex-partners and blame them for the devastating state they are in then. This leaves no scope for them to be friends afterwards,” Chawla explained in an interaction with indianexpress.com. 

Any situations creating a private space with your ex must be avoided to provide unsaid security and assurance to any new partner you or your ex might have. (Source: Freepik)

What are some ground rules to follow in case you’re friends with an ex?

According to Chawla, these are some ground rules in case you still want to pursue a friendship with an ex.

1. Avoid comparison – You must be careful to never compare your old and new relationship/partner at any ground. The relationship formed with any individual will hold its uniqueness and that must be given due dilligence.

2. Avoid private meetings – Any situations creating a private space with your ex must be avoided to provide unsaid security and assurance to any new partner you or your ex might have.

3. Avoid discussing new relationships – For exes to have a healthy friendship, they must avoid discussing their new relationships with each other, as it may take them back in time promoting passive comparison.

4. Avoid discussing your old relationship with them – There could be an unrest in any of the exes with respect to old relationship and they may bring up the dissatisfaction in passive aggressive forms. This will hamper the friendship they are willing to sustain.

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