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Journalism of Courage
As part of the cover interview for Vogue India’s March-April issue, Ananya Panday got candid about her personal and professional growth, sharing how she overcame her past people-pleasing ways to emerge into a confident and self-reliant woman.
“I’m constantly evolving as an actor, but as a person, I’m way more comfortable, confident and less of a people pleaser. Earlier, I couldn’t enter a party alone and would overthink to the point of driving myself crazy. My brain was occupied with thoughts: “Do they like me? Do they not like me? Have I said the right or wrong thing?” Now, I don’t care as much about the smaller things that aren’t in my control,” the Call Me Bae actor told childhood friend Suhana Khan.
Like Panday, a lot of us struggle with drawing boundaries and saying no, when we really should have just said yes. Indianexpress.com spoke to Muskan Marwah, Psychologist at Mpower, Aditya Birla Education Trust and brought to you 5 tips to put an end to your people-pleasing ways:
Understanding the underlying reasons for people-pleasing behavior is key to overcoming it. Often, it stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection, criticism, or abandonment. People-pleasers may also have been raised in environments where pleasing others was rewarded or where their needs were ignored. Recognizing these patterns can help you separate your actions from your fears.
Tip: Take time to reflect on moments when you’ve said “yes” out of obligation. Explore how these situations make you feel. This awareness is the first step in breaking the cycle.
Establishing clear and healthy boundaries is essential for breaking free from people-pleasing. People-pleasers often avoid setting boundaries because they fear upsetting others. However, saying “no” when necessary is an act of self-respect and allows you to prioritize your well-being. Boundaries are not walls; they are guidelines that protect your emotional space.
Tip: Start small by saying “no” to less important requests. Practice assertiveness by being clear and direct without over-explaining your decision.
People-pleasers often derive their self-worth from external approval. Overcoming this mindset involves shifting your belief that your value is dependent on others’ opinions. You are worthy, regardless of how others see you. Focus on self-validation and find ways to build your self-esteem through self-compassion and personal accomplishments.
Tip: Try affirmations such as, “I am enough as I am,” or “My needs and feelings matter.” Challenge the notion that you need to please others to be liked or accepted.
People-pleasers often neglect their own needs, prioritizing others at the cost of their own well-being. Practicing self-care is essential for recharging and maintaining emotional health. When you take care of yourself, you become more equipped to engage with others in a healthier way. Remember, self-care is not selfish—it’s necessary for a balanced life.
Tip: Schedule regular “me-time,” whether it’s exercising, reading, or simply resting. Resist the urge to feel guilty for taking time for yourself.
A key trait of people-pleasers is the desire to be perfect in every aspect of life. This pressure can be overwhelming and counterproductive. Accepting imperfection in yourself and others can help you reduce anxiety and let go of unrealistic expectations. It’s okay to make mistakes or not meet everyone’s expectations all the time.
Tip: Practice self-compassion by forgiving yourself for mistakes. Instead of beating yourself up, treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a close friend.
