Dimple Kapadia says she was ‘dumb’ when marrying Rajesh Khanna; counsellor explains why age-gap relationships can be challenging

“I swear I am not lying because I was so young. And there was such an impact of the movies. Toh jab mountains pe pohanche aur gaana bhi nahi hua, hawa bhi nahi chali toh meri toh haalat kharab ho gayi (So when we reached the mountains but there was no song and no gust of wind, I was in a bad state) because my dream was shattered. Because I seriously believed it. I mean how dumb can you get? But well that was me,” she said.

According to Dr Neerja Agarwal, Psychologist and Co-founder, Emoneeds, this feeling is common in age-gap relationships, especially those engaged at a young age. During adolescence and early adulthood, individuals are “still forming their identities and developing a sense of autonomy,” she said, adding: “Being in a relationship with a significantly older partner can influence this process, as the younger partner may conform to the older partner’s preferences, beliefs, and lifestyle, potentially hindering their self-discovery and independence.”

Young individuals in age-gap relationships might face challenges in developing emotional and psychological maturity at their own pace, she added. “The older partner’s expectations and experiences can shape the younger partner’s emotional responses and coping mechanisms, possibly leading to an accelerated or skewed development.”

Dimple Kapadia with Rajesh Khanna. (Photo: Express Archive)

Why are age-gap relationships so hard to traverse?

According to Dr Agarwal, there are several reasons why age-gap relationships can make the younger partner feel stupid.

1. Different Life Stages and Priorities:

People at different ages often have distinct priorities, goals, and perspectives shaped by their experiences and developmental stages. For example, a younger partner might prioritize career growth and social exploration, while an older partner might focus more on stability and long-term planning. These differing life stages can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts over priorities.

2. Social Stigma and Judgment:

Age-gap relationships can attract scrutiny and judgment from society, family, and friends. This social stigma can create external pressure on the relationship, causing stress and feelings of isolation for both partners. The need to constantly defend or justify the relationship can be exhausting and damaging to its health.

3. Power Dynamics:

Significant age differences can create imbalances in power and control within the relationship. The older partner may have more life experience, financial stability, and confidence, potentially leading to a dynamic where the younger partner feels subordinate or less influential. This imbalance can affect decision-making, communication, and overall relationship satisfaction.

4. Different Cultural References and Interests:

Partners from different age groups may have grown up with different cultural references, interests, and social circles. These differences can impact shared activities, conversations, and mutual understanding, potentially leading to feelings of disconnect or incompatibility.

5. Health and Aging Concerns:

As partners age, differences in health and energy levels can become more pronounced. The older partner might face age-related health issues earlier, which can place physical, emotional, and financial strains on the relationship. Concerns about the future, including caregiving responsibilities and longevity, can also create anxiety and uncertainty.

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