Could your teenager be suicidal? Read below to find out

When a person dies by suicide, it becomes sensational news, especially when it’s a young person. Everyone becomes an investigator of sorts and raise questions to piece together a narrative which usually includes a lot of blaming and accusations: Why did they take this step, what was wrong with the parents and in the family, was she/he mentally sick, did a love affair end badly? This kind of gossip increases the stigma around suicide and mental health issues.

There’s no single cause for suicide. Teenagers have often shared with me complicated situations that lead them to think of giving up on life. Such as, crumbling under competition, struggling to keep up with the pressures at school, fulfilling expectations of being a “perfect child” and failing at that, feeling lonely as no one understands, and pent-up emotions of hurt from close relationships. Bullying and alienation by friends is also commonly reported by teenagers. The bottom line comes down to situations that result in them feeling like a burden on their loved ones or just losing hope. Hopelessness (which means being in a state without hope and optimism), is a terrifying space for a young mind.

Suicidal thoughts could occur in any individual irrespective of gender, age, economic background and achievements. In the recent years, we have witnessed famous Tik-Tokers and influencers, and academic toppers giving up on life. Rejection in relationships and by friends, failing at career milestones, inability to make parents proud – such worries engulf them. They battle to find joy in their life during these dark moments. Negative thinking makes it very difficult for them to imagine a bright outcome for themselves in future. The hopelessness usually comes from depression. When the intensity of stress from these situations reaches its peak, some tend to make life-threatening decisions of suicide.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention states that depression is the most common condition associated with suicide, and it is often undiagnosed or untreated. Conditions like anxiety and substance abuse add to the risk. It would be fair to acknowledge here that most youngsters who actively sought help for their mental health conditions and had supportive family support could enjoy their life meaningfully.

The latest data released by the National Crimes Record Bureau (NCRB) revealed that more than 1.39 lakh Indians died by suicide in 2019, of which 67 per cent were young adults. There are cries for help in most cases. As children move on to their teens and young adulthood, parents find it challenging to know what they think and feel. It’s quite hard to understand if a behaviour is due to the usual ups and downs of adolescence or something to worry about.

As it’s World Suicide Prevention day on September 10, you as a parent could armour yourself with awareness and familiarise yourself with the red flags below to keep your children safe:
Behavioural:
• Suddenly withdrawn and keeping to themselves
• Sudden change in friends
• Difficulty concentrating
• Giving away their possessions
• A sudden drop in academic performance
• Disinterest in things they usually enjoy

Emotional:
• Sudden mood swings
• Feeling low and hopeless
• Seem anxious and stressed
• Increased levels of frustration and agitated
• Loss of self-worth

Physical:
• Signs of self-harm like scars on wrists, thighs and stomach
• Rapid weight loss or weight gain
• Excessive fatigue

Verbal:
An individual may not echo “I am suicidal” but may say it in other ways that allude to it:
• “No one would care if I die”
• “Sometimes I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up”
• “I have nothing at all to look forward to in my life”
• “This is too much for me to take”
• “You won’t have to worry about me for much longer”

Apart from the above, some circumstances tend to put young people in a higher risk category
as below:
• Losing a close one to suicide
• Conflicts and relationship issues in the family
• Break-up of a relationship
• Been bullied
• Victims of abuse – sexually or mentally
• Mental health condition
• Death of a loved one

A few suggestions on how to respond if your teen tells you that they are having thoughts of
suicide:
1. Don’t wait in such a situation. Every minute is crucial.
2. Be careful not to trivialize the issue
3. Give your undivided attention and listen patiently
4. Let him/her lead the conversation
5. Be understanding and supportive
Show them your love through actions and words. Even if you think it is evident, adolescents need to feel validated during these times. Sometimes, all it takes to help prevent suicide is trusting your own instincts and connecting to the person you’re concerned about. It’s important to remind your teen what they’re feeling now, it won’t always hold so much weight over their life. They need sensitivity in care. They need hope.
Please talk to a psychologist or mental health professional immediately, they have the skills to help you and your family through this phase.

There are free tele-helplines for supporting you in distress. Reach out to:
LifeLine Foundation – 033 40447437 / 9088030303 (10 am to 10 pm, 7 days a week)
Sneha Foundation India – 044-24640050 (10 am to 8 pm, 7 days a week)
Jeevan Jamshedpur – 9297777499 / 9297777500 (10 am to 6 pm, 7 days a week)

Shubhika Singh is a senior consultant psychologist specialising in young adults; and the co-founder of Innerkraft.com based in Kolkata

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