The number one skill to inculcate in your children to make them achievers

 “The heats practise is too strenuous, I can’t focus on it for so long.”

Do these sound familiar to you? Today’s teenagers and young adults commonly make these statements, even adults do! Often, most parents take it upon themselves to be drivers of their children’s activities, behaviour and actions, be it going to tuition on time or studying diligently and setting limits on what they can and cannot do. It’s exhausting and frustrating for any parent who needs to do this 24/7! And naturally, it disturbs the bonding at home.

By inculcating self-discipline, you can tap into your adolescent’s inner potential with more power. Self-discipline is the ability to control yourself, put in the effort and behave in a specific way without requiring anyone else to tell you what to do. They will learn to make responsible decisions in your absence. They will have the gateway to develop healthy habits and mental strength.

Self-discipline requires patience, time and careful handling. Here are guidelines to inculcate this invaluable trait into your children, no matter what age they are at:

Teach self-control

Self-control is the key to achieving self-discipline, as it makes a person tolerate discomfort. There is a famous experiment by Austrian-American psychologist Walter Mischel called the Stanford marshmallow test. In this, a child is offered a choice between one small and immediate reward or two small rewards if they wait for a certain amount of time. The study found that children who waited and exercised self-control performed better over the years. As a parent, you can indulge in similar activities to teach your teenagers self-control, with a delayed reward promised.

Decide on an achievable goal together

Being motivated towards something they want to achieve is crucial during this process. It could be reading a story book in seven days, netting the ball from a certain angle in basketball or increasing their math scores by 15 per cent. Let them choose freely. Set a timeline for this.

Create a Routine

Together, create a plan to achieve a regime. Discuss any perceived hurdles and difficulties and how to overcome them. Talk about areas where they may need to set limits on themselves, so they are able to exercise self-control to achieve their goal.

Reward self-control and their efforts

Praise, appreciation and rewards are essential building blocks for teaching this discipline. If they spent extra time in practise, appreciate the conscientious decision made. If they decide to not visit a friend because of their goal-plan, praise them. Praise the effort they are putting into achieving their goal. At this stage, decide what the reward will be.

Be an accountable parent-partner

Having an encouraging partner who can cheer for you on the good days and be watchful when you go off track, can make a world of difference. Lend them a patient ear when they’re beating themselves up for something they couldn’t do. Find ways to solve it together. This partnership also includes role modelling similar behaviour for yourself. Using any harsh words and punishments will be detrimental during this time.

Practising self-discipline requires time and effort. It’s important to harness it from a young age as it paves the path to adulthood. Even in the absence of parents and adults, one can think and act responsibly. Self-discipline gives a human being mental and inner strength to be successful and overcome obstacles that life throws. Follow the guidelines and you will be on your way to soaring levels of self-discipline in your family.

(Shubhika Singh is a senior consultant psychologist specializing in young adults and the co-founder of Innerkraft.com based in Kolkata)

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