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Journalism of Courage
Most children have fun, engage in playful banter, and tease each other when in a group setting. However, when the playfulness starts turning into an intent to hurt, that’s where the boundary of bullying gets crossed. As parents here are a few psychologist-approved strategies to intervene to prevent escalation and protect one’s child from long-term damage.
Foremost, a parent can identify an act as bullying if it encompasses 3 criteria- intent, repetition, and power. Anyone who bullies aims to cause hurt consistently and creates a distorted power portrayal through words, behaviors, and body language.
It has been observed that boys are often the victims of verbal and physical violence while girls are often at the soft targets of psychological and emotional abuse. Essentially each child has a right to a safe nurturing environment that respects their individuality and dignity. However, bullying results in damage.
Now the question arises how can you identify if your teen is being bullied? A few red flags included unexplained physical marks on the body like scratches, bruises, scars, fear of going to school, evading isolated situations, clinging to adults, sudden loss of friends in school, disturbed sleep, distressed facial expressions after a phone call or an online chat, etc. There may be numerous other reasons for these signs however if they are occurring constantly, it is time for you to have a chat with your teen about it.
Conversations with teenagers have to be navigated maturely keeping their vulnerabilities in mind. You can begin by giving them a safe space by reassuring them that their opinions will be kept confidential until it is something that can hurt them. Focus on listening carefully between the lines and refrain from interrogating them — Why did this happen to you? Rather let them open their hearts up. Once a child trusts that you are there to help and support them through this process, they will automatically be willing to give you all the details.
Don’t immediately react once you know who is targeting your child. It’s natural to expect anger from parents in such a situation however reacting impulsively can do more harm than good. Take calculated steps to inform the authorities and have an open-door discussion with all the stakeholders involved instead of lashing out.
It’s extremely important to understand that bullying doesn’t only impact the child but the family dynamics. The psychological consequences are far fetch and often result in low self-esteem, fluctuating decision making and low confidence as adults.
Psychological fortification in the form of taking an assertive stand for the self, involving authorities, saying no in the first instance itself, etc can help your teen develop positive self-worth.
Reaching out to a psychologist can help you as a family get through the situation with proper emotional support and stability.
Nishtha Grover is a child and adolescent psychologist, and a doctoral research scholar based in New Delhi
