Round 2

to first diversify, and then wholly specialise, in a marriage bureau that deals only with second timers.

‘‘When I started 12 years ago, I would hardly get one person a month. Now I get 10 applications a day.’’ Many of which, he says, are from those well above 50.

Aruna and Narayan Rathi from Pune tied the knot at 52 and 64, four years ago, to start a new life together after the demise of their spouses. ‘‘I was 49 when my first husband had a fatal stroke. My daughters were 26 and 23, with the elder one already married. I realised that though I was shattered, I still had a good 25 years ahead and could not see myself living it plunged in sorrow and loneliness,’’ says the elegant lady. She accepted the proposal of chemicals businessman Rathi, who lost his wife to cancer at around the same time.

“The best thing was we could convert our individual loneliness into a life of happy and healthy companionship,’’ says Narayan, whose sons are both abroad.

That’s a happy change. No longer is metro India remarrying ‘‘for the children’’ or for financial security. Now, companionship is key.

Sixty-two-year-old Hasmukh Gokani got married eight months ago. Gokani, who works for a private firm in Mumbai, lost his wife about two years ago. ‘‘I didn’t even think of remarrying. But after a year and a half, I thought that I didn’t really want to go through life alone.’’

When friends suggested he remarry and came up with proposals, he agreed and finally married Varsha, 52,

who had lost her husband five years ago and has a daughter who is married. ‘‘Previously, I would feel lonely and uncomfortable. Now, there is a constant stream of visitors, my wife’s daughter comes over, my brother, friends … it is certainly a happier life,’’ says Gokani.

Even families are more open to the idea. ‘‘What helped was that our children and friends were all for it. In fact, they were the ones who took the initiative,’’ says Aruna.

Sunaina Nigam, who runs the two-year-old Soul Mate, a Pune organisation that brings together divorced or widowed people, agrees: ‘‘Late remarriages are certainly on the rise. Youngsters today encourage their parent to go in for a remarriage rather than raise eyebrows at the decision.’’ In the past year she has seen at least 10 remarriages through her organisation.

The fact that we’re going nuclear may have something to do with it. ‘‘I have interacted with several senior people looking for a companion. People in cities are usually in nuclear families and the loneliness factor is higher than in smaller towns,’’ says Mumbai-based Vandana Assija, a spokesperson at matrimonial website Shaadi.com.

Vasant SKM recalls an ‘alliance’ for a 67-year-old widower. ‘‘He had two sons, one a CBI officer and another with the State Bank of India. They put him in an old-age home. After a while he couldn’t take it, and came to me. I found him a 47-year-old woman without children. They are happily married now.’’

Are adjustments difficult to make at this stage when habits are more hardened than when one was 25? Counsellor Dr Suparna Telang from Pune, in fact, feels second marriages have a better chance of working out. ‘‘They are need-based, a product of the individual’s own decision—not something he or she has got into due to parental or societal pressures.’’ Dr Nirmala S Rao, psychiatrist, who runs the Aavishkar Centre for Self Enrichment in Mumbai, adds, “After 50, when the children are gone, what they look for is a compatibility companion, someone they can gel with.”

Which may well be true in the case of Delhi’s Sushma Mendiratta, 58, who opted for a divorce five years back and then married widower Rakesh Mendiratta two years ago. ‘‘After the separation I had decided to spend the rest of my life looking after my college-going daughter. Then she went abroad to study, got a job, married and settled in London. That’s when the loneliness began. I visited her every year, but I didn’t want to settle abroad.’’

She then decided to meet Rakesh who had two sons, both in Glasgow. ‘‘Our children are now reassured that at least we are not living alone. It cuts down their responsibility,’’ she feels.

Sushma adds that adjustments are an issue at times. ‘‘My husband was 66 when he remarried and set in his ways. But the joy of companionship overrides the adjustment problem,’’ she insists.

The added maturity of both partners, couples say, works in their favour too. Randhir Khare (52), a writer and Susan Bullough (49), an Irish photographer, who got married in Pune last month, certainly believe that. ‘‘There are fewer expectations, you are more tolerant of each other’s habits and nature, you have less ego problems and being mature, you can even discuss your earlier spouses without any awkwardness,’’ says Susan. “My daughters and Susan get along well and I am going to Ireland soon to meet Susan’s son,” adds Randhir.

While children may be the greatest catalyst egging their parents to marry again, according to Nandini Dange of Pune’s Harmony marriage bureau, they can also be an impediment. ‘‘This is when there is a lot of property involved and they feel they would lose their right over it or have to share it with their new mother,’’ she says.

Which is probably what made Narayan Rathi discuss this issue openly with Aruna before they tied the knot. ‘‘We had a clear understanding on property even though this was not an issue in our marriage. Her daughters were well settled so they were not concerned and neither did my sons bring it up but I thought I should talk it over with everyone. Property only becomes an issue when it is one of the reasons for marriage or when there is an offspring from the new alliance.’’

Another interesting trend is that the typical requirements do not hold true at this stage of life. As Vasant says, ‘‘Height, complexion, caste, ‘no spectacles’, don’t matter. All people are really concerned about is good health.’’ Adds Namrata Chang of Bharatmatrimony.com, who affirms the steep rise in number of clients above 50 years of age,‘‘There are also no demands for dowry.’’

Well then, perhaps more than marriages, it’s probably remarriages that are made in heaven.

With inputs from Kamini Mathai/Chennai; Monica Bathija/Mumbai and Devyani Onial/New Delhi