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Journalism of Courage
“STAYING with friends is fun. After a hectic day at work, it is nice to come back to someone I can talk to, crib about my day. But I would prefer to be with my family. For me, my family means unconditional acceptance of what I do and who I am,’’ says 26-year-old Ivy Chin, who works in an MNC. The others in the sunny flat, in Andheri, a Mumbai suburb, are 24-year-old Jayati Singh, Ivy’s flatmate and colleague, 30-something Mrinalini Rao who works in an insurance firm and 26-year-old Deki Yangzon Gailly, who is with a radio network. While Mani and Deki live elsewhere, they regularly drop in.
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Home is where the heart is: Ivy and Jayati with Mrinalini in their Andheri flat
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On the surface, this close-knit bunch of friends seem to epitomise the new-age concept of a network of friends as a substitute for the family. But scratch the surface a little and you are surprised. They all want to live with their families.
Jayati is initially cautious when she says, ‘‘I haven’t had the chance to work while staying with my family, so I don’t really know how I would react if I had to.’’ However, she adds, choosing her words carefully as she speaks, ‘‘When you are studying, the situation is different as you are dependent on your family, you do what they want. But once you start working and are still staying with your folks, it becomes very important to strike the right balance between your independence and your family’s expectations. Otherwise, things can sour.’’
Deki is clear she prefers to stay with her family and explains why. ‘‘At present, I don’t have a choice but to stay as a boarder. I would prefer my family any day. Staying with friends requires a lot of compromise.’’ Ivy puts it in perspective when she explains, ‘‘With family, even if you have misunderstandings, you don’t tend to hold grudges. But with friends, the issue lingers.’’
In such a scenario, even small things like not sharing the mundane chores can add up to a whole lot of tension and something as innocuous as not clearing up the dishes after dinner can lead to a fight, reveals Jayati. She immediately hastens to add, ‘‘I’m lucky to have Ivy as my flatmate. Sometimes, when you have not-so-compatible flatmates, it can be hell.’’
So what do they think about the concept of ‘‘friends as family’’ as shown in Friends and Seinfeld? “See, we grew up watching DD, not MTV or Star World,’’ says Deki. ‘‘I think this concept of having friends as a substitute for family is totally western.’’
In a scenario where their jobs and family are in the same city, would they consider living separately? With these four, it seems the question does not arise at all.
What about the freedom that comes with living on one’s own? After all, each family, however liberal, does have a set of rules.
‘‘When I do go back home, I really don’t feel the need to go out like I do when I am in Bombay,’’ says Ivy. ‘‘Even though my family may not impose any restraints on me, I check myself.’’
Mrinalini, who lives with her brother and his family, adds to this statement. ‘‘I feel guilty if I have too much fun. I’m single, I don’t have too many liabilities while my family does.’’
According to them, there is a prejudiced view about women living on their own. ‘‘Even in Mumbai, people view you differently when they get to know that you are on your own. If you are staying with your family, then they won’t take you for granted,’’ says Mrinalini
Families are like cushions, you know they will be there to break your fall if it does come to that, they chorus sweetly. And for all four of these plucky girls, Mumbai is just the city where they work but ‘‘home’’ is Delhi, Hyderabad and Darjeeling — where their families live. ‘‘After all’’, as Deki sums it up, ‘‘blood is thicker than water.’’
