‘Why do you need to work’: Geeta Basra recalls sexist remarks on her decision to marry Harbhajan Singh

Taking a cue, let’s understand the ramifications of such sexist remarks.

On the surface, a simple question; beneath it, a whole world of silencing, said Delnna Rrajesh, psychotherapist, energy healer, and life coach. “A message that your worth is tied only to being home. That your ambition is optional. That your dreams are negotiable. As a psychotherapist, I can tell you: such statements aren’t innocent. They wound deeply. They echo societal scripts that place women’s value in comfort zones, not in calling, in obedience, not in agency,” said Delnna.

Here’s what’s happening under the skin:

Internalised self-doubt: When you repeatedly hear that your work is unnecessary, you begin to believe that perhaps you are not necessary outside the home. The smallest achievements feel like they need justification.

Identity being lost or questioned: Work often gives structure, purpose, and recognition. Without it, parts of your identity—creative, professional, ambitious—can feel erased.

Geeta Basra and Harbhajan Singh (Photo: Geeta Basra/Instagram)

Guilt as a trap: These statements are often laced with implied guilt; if she works, I must be neglecting my duties at home. Then the woman carries guilt on top of responsibility.

Emotional economics: Work-family conflicts often show that when women feel the pressure to juggle societal expectations and professional aspirations, their mental health suffers, with stress, anxiety, and lowered well-being.

What helps to assert your identity?

Recognise the bias: This isn’t just individual opinion. It’s ambivalent sexism. A societal structure that both praises women’s nurturing roles and limits their agency.
Reaffirm your agency with clarity: When someone asks, “Why do you need to work?” use this as a mirror to ask yourself, “Why do I need to work?” Clarity about your purpose-whether for growth, passion, or financial autonomy-becomes your anchor when the voices of doubt rise.
Surround yourself with mirrors, not cages: Seek people who reflect your ambition back to you. “Mentors, peers, partners who see and support your aspirations. These are your allies in reinforcing your self-worth,” said Delnna.
Set emotional boundaries: You don’t need to argue about every comment. “Sometimes you simply need to protect your peace. Respond when needed. Walk away when not. Decide what role you will allow others to play in your emotional landscape,” said Delnna.
Celebrate work as self-expression: Work is not just about money or status; it’s also about self-expression. It’s about crafting your voice, your legacy, your effect in the world. When you see it this way, the judgment of others loses its power.

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