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Journalism of Courage
Sometimes, emotions don’t need managing; they need acknowledgment. That’s where the 3Hs come in. From a psychological standpoint, when people are overwhelmed, they seek one of three things: to be helped, heard, or hugged.
We reached out to Delnna Rrajesh, psychologist, and relationship life coach, who said that the way we seek relief differs when we all experience pain, frustration, and heartbreak. “At the core of our emotional well-being is the need to feel safe, seen, and supported,” said Delnna.
As such, misunderstanding these needs can lead to emotional disconnect, frustration, and unintentional harm. “But when we respond correctly, we foster deeper healing, trust, and transformation,” said Delnna.
Understanding this can be the difference between deepening trust or creating emotional distance.
1. Help – When someone needs solutions
There are times when we feel lost and seek direction. We don’t just want to be heard; we want a roadmap.
Some people don’t just want to vent—they need guidance.
They ask:
“What should I do?”
“How do I move forward?”
They need clarity, direction, and tools to take action. The best way to support them is to offer solutions, empowerment, and actionable steps, said Delnna.
Example: A person in a toxic relationship might not just need sympathy—they may need strategies to rebuild self-worth and exit safely.
2. Heard – When someone needs to express without judgment or interruption
Not every struggle requires fixing. Some people want to feel seen and validated.
They say:
“I just need to talk.”
“I don’t want advice—just listen.”
Listening is one of the most powerful healing tools we have. “Yet, in our eagerness to help, we often jump to giving advice, invalidating the person’s emotions in the process,” said Delnna.
The best response? Hold space. Resist the urge to solve. Listen deeply.
Example: A grieving friend doesn’t need a lecture on resilience. He needs someone who simply listens, acknowledges, and says, “I hear you.”
Hugged – When someone needs comfort
Sometimes, logic and words fall short. What someone needs is – emotional safety, warmth, and reassurance. Physical touch (when welcomed) can be healing.
They might say:
“I don’t need words, just be here.”
“Can you hold me?”
Example: A scared child doesn’t need reasons why monsters don’t exist—they need a comforting hug to feel safe., shared Delnna.
According to Delnna, miscommunication happens when we offer help when someone wants to be heard, or we listen when they need action.
Therefore, the expert asserted that the 3Hs method is simple but powerful: ask yourself—do they need to be helped, heard, or hugged?
