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Journalism of Courage
In today’s fast-paced world, we often witness a bittersweet phenomenon wherein young adults spread their wings and venture out into the outside world, away from the safe cocoon of their childhood homes, for higher education and career opportunities. While much is spoken about the varied emotions children go through as they deal with the day-to-day challenges of living on their own, we often forget what — or rather who — is left behind in those homes. As they embark on their own journeys, parents are left behind, grappling with a sense of sudden isolation.
This emotional experience, known as empty nest syndrome, is often a complex mix of pride, longing, and loneliness that parents feel when their once-bustling homes are left quiet and empty. Dorothy Canfield coined ‘Empty Nest’ terminology in her 1914 book, Mothers and Children, describing it as the phase that begins along with the contraction stage of the family life cycle in which children move out of their parental home to relocate either to a different city or country for educational and professional purposes.
Simply put, empty nest syndrome is a phenomenon wherein parents tend to feel grief and a sense of void when their children move out of the home. They also experience loneliness and a sense of disorientation as they suddenly find themselves with more unscheduled time. “Parents experience mixed emotions though they are glad their children are grown up and scaling new heights, they get anxious with the thought of living without children around,” Dr Girishchandra, Senior Consultant, Psychiatry, Aster CMI Hospital, Bengaluru, says.
Further, parents may feel sad, anxious, lonely and also guilty that they should have spent more time with their kids while they were with them. It can become worse if the parents did not have a positive friendly relationship with their children, the expert highlights.
According to Kolkata-based consultant psychologist Drisha Dey, there are several factors that contribute to empty nest syndrome in parents, such as:
*A lack of personal and individual social life.
*A lack of individual professional life.
*A resistance to change in general.
*Difficulty in dealing with stressful periods in general.
*An absence of hobbies.
*When parents are very close to their children such that they almost become best friends.
*If it is a single-parent setup, wherein the parent and the child share a deep rapport.
Experts say that empty nest syndrome can manifest in various physical and psychological symptoms. “Physically, individuals may experience changes in appetite, sleep patterns, or even physical ailments like headaches or muscle tension. Psychologically, common symptoms include feelings of sadness, grief, or loneliness. Parents may also have a sense of purposelessness or a loss of identity. They might struggle with anxiety about their children’s well-being or experience a decline in self-esteem,” Aishwarya Raj, a clinical psychologist practising in Delhi-NCR, says.
She says that the transition to an empty nest can significantly impact parents’ relationships and dynamics within the family. With fewer responsibilities related to child-rearing, parents may experience a renewed focus on their romantic relationship. They might have more time for each other, rekindle their interests, and pursue new activities together. “However, some parents may also face challenges as they adjust to the absence of their children. They might need to redefine their roles and find new sources of fulfilment,” Raj says.
Many parents might also become aware of challenges in their marital lives once the children are away. “Most couples prioritise their children’s needs above everything. They put in extra effort, if required extra hours at work to give the best to their children. With this kind of thought process, they tend to miss spending quality time with each other and understanding each other’s needs. Once the children move out, parents are left with each other and this gap may become obvious,” Dr Girishchandra says, adding that they may become more susceptible to irritation, anger, and vulnerable to depression.
However, it is a misconception that empty nest syndrome may lead to marital dissatisfaction and divorce. “An empty nest is a harsh reality we all need to get used to and it can be the most fulfilling time in a couple’s life, provided you have nourished the relationship over the years,” Dr Girishchandra further says.
There are drawbacks to having a syndrome but Barnali Ghosh, Clinical Psychologist, Manipal Hospitals, Salt Lake, Kolkata, believes that parents can learn to cope with simple yet effective measures such as investing in relationships, including bonds with other family members, focusing on individuality, investing in different resources such as finding a new hobby, and avoiding the conflict that usually arises between children and parents once the child reaches adulthood.
Agreeing, Raj says that to maintain a strong sense of self and find fulfilment after children have left home, parents can consider several strategies. “It’s important to engage in self-discovery and rediscover personal interests and passions. Setting new goals, whether personal or professional, can provide a sense of purpose. Prioritising self-care and taking time for oneself is crucial. Building and nurturing social connections, exploring new hobbies, or pursuing further education or career opportunities are ways to find fulfilment. Additionally, focusing on personal growth and embracing new experiences can contribute to a positive post-empty nest phase,” she recommends.
It’s equally crucial for parents to maintain a positive relationship with their adult children while allowing them to establish their independence. “Understand that the foundation has been set and now it is time to ease more into the role of being their confidante and friend, rather than being primarily a parent,” Dey says.
“It’s important to keep in mind that they are individuals in their own right and that children come through us, not from us. Take a step back and just appreciate how they explore and deal with the ups and downs of life while they take the journey of solidifying their identity. Be tolerant of individual differences and ensure that when they do meet for a period, they use it wisely. Once they move out, maintaining the bond is more of a responsibility of a parent. Children often keep less in contact not because they do not care, but because they are busy exploring the world on their own for the first time,” the psychologist adds.
Empty nest syndrome, despite its challenges, can also bring some benefits and positive aspects. “If you consider the brighter side of empty nest syndrome, it gives a break from the mundane busy hustle and bustle, it might reduce family-related stress and conflicts. It will also help couples reconnect and rekindle interest in each other,” Dr Girishchandra says.
Embracing these positive aspects can contribute to a fulfilling and rewarding life after the children have left home.
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