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Journalism of Courage
In a career spanning over three decades, Archana Puran Singh has worked with the industry’s who’s who and has many inside stories from her films involving her co-actors. One such is from the iconic movie Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, which starred Shah Rukh Khan, Kajol, and Rani Mukherjee.
In an interview with Bollywood Bubble, she recollected an incident when Shah Rukh invited her to sit in his vanity van. “So, I went, and since a lot of time had passed, I dozed off. Then he must have come. He said, sleep, sleep. I am going for a shot. By that time, I was fast asleep. Sometime later, I could hear that when his phone rang, he went out to take the call not to disturb me. It’s such a sweet gesture. He went out of his van. Yash Johar sir was getting angry about why Shah Rukh was out of his van. So, he said, ‘I have told Archana to sleep in my van’. He was so sweet. Such a gentleman always. So considerate about everybody.”
Singh, in her signature humour, added, “I also remember that I felt very hungry after waking up. So, I ate half of a sweet box in his fridge.”
Gentlemanliness, at its core, is a nuanced blend of respect, consideration, and integrity in one’s dealings with women, said Dr Chandni Tugnait, psychotherapist, director, Gateway of Healing. “It transcends mere politeness, encompassing a deeper understanding of mutual dignity and equality. A gentleman recognises women as equal partners in all spheres of life while acknowledging and appreciating the unique perspectives and experiences they bring to the table,” said Dr Tugnait.
Critical attributes of gentlemanly behaviour include emotional intelligence, active listening, and a commitment to creating safe and comfortable environments for women. “It involves being attuned to nonverbal cues and respecting personal boundaries without prompting. A gentleman in today’s world is someone who champions gender equality not just in words but through consistent actions and attitudes,” said Dr Tugnait.
The need for gentlemanliness has perhaps never been more pressing, feels Dr Tugnait. “In a world grappling with issues like workplace harassment, online misogyny, and persistent gender biases, the gentle art of respectful interaction serves as a powerful antidote. It fosters an atmosphere of mutual trust and cooperation, essential for progress in both personal and professional realms,” said Dr Tugnait.
For men looking to express gentlemanliness, the key lies in mindful, everyday actions. “This could mean actively amplifying women’s voices in meetings, offering support without the assumption of incompetence, or simply being more aware of how one’s actions might be perceived. It’s about balancing being supportive and respecting autonomy,” explained Dr Tugnait.
She shared some practical tips for cultivating gentlemanliness:
*Educate yourself on women’s issues and perspectives.
*Practice active listening without interruption or mansplaining.
*Be mindful of physical presence and respect personal space.
*Offer help or support, but always ask first and respect the answer.
*Challenge sexist behaviour or comments, even when no women are present.
*Reflect on and address one’s own biases and preconceptions.
According to Dr Tugnait, gentlemanliness in the modern context is not about adhering to outdated chivalric codes. “Instead, it’s a dynamic, evolving practice of respect, empathy, and equality. By embracing this virtue, men can contribute significantly to creating a more harmonious and equitable society. In a world often criticised for its coarseness, the gentle touch of respect and consideration can indeed go a long way,” expressed Dr Tugnait.
