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Journalism of Courage
R Madhavan has shared his take on marriage and sustaining long-term relationships, explaining why marrying young can be beneficial. During a recent conversation with Ranveer Allahabadia, he reasoned that when you get married, you inevitably lose a part of yourself and have to compromise on many of your beliefs and values.
“Why is it that you are asked to get married earlier? It’s not just societal conditioning; the reason people ask you to get married early is that you are far more open to change in a relationship for the sake of another person. Your flexibility to change before your eccentricity sets in is far easier. Because when you get married, you lose a lot of yourself. You will have to compromise a lot of your beliefs, faith, and your lifestyle and way of living,” said the Aap Jaisa Koi actor.
“And yet, you will find that it is worth keeping that person with you. So the younger you are, the less your eccentricities set in and the more compatible you are for your bond to form,” he added.
Reflecting on his statement, Gurleen Baruah, an occupational psychologist and executive coach at That Culture Thing, told indianexpress.com that deciding on a timeline for life’s milestones, such as marriage and other significant decisions, is crucial for personal empowerment and mental well-being.
“As adults, we possess the autonomy to make choices that align with our values, feelings, and circumstances. While society may impose norms and suggest ‘ideal’ ages for achieving certain milestones, like settling down or starting a family, it’s important to remember that these are human-made constructs,” she said.
Instead of following celebrity advice that urges you to marry early or late, it is imperative that you choose your own timeline. “There isn’t a set age for reaching life milestones such as marriage or having children. Many people make these decisions when they are younger, and that’s perfectly fine if they are ready and feel fulfilled,” she said. The key point is that these decisions should be based on personal readiness rather than the pressure imposed by others or societal norms.”
From a psychological perspective, Baruah noted that delaying milestones can enable individuals to develop a deeper sense of self-awareness and emotional maturity. As people age, they often become more secure in their values, desires, and long-term goals. This emotional and psychological growth enables them to make decisions that are more aligned with their authentic selves, rather than feeling pressured by external expectations.
Navigating family or cultural expectations while honouring your own timelines for major life milestones can be challenging, especially in collectivist cultures like India, where family plays a central role in decision-making. The key to balancing these expectations is through respectful communication and mature dialogue.
“Start by having an open and honest conversation with your family. Let them know that you deeply value their opinions and love them, but that choosing your own path doesn’t mean you’re disregarding their guidance or being disrespectful,” she said.
In many Indian families, parents often feel protective and think they know what is best for their children based on their own experiences. “It can take time for them to understand that times have changed and that individual preferences play a significant role in today’s decision-making processes,” she said.
