What is ‘micro-cheating’, the latest dating term on the block?

What exactly is micro-cheating?

Sharing numbers with random strangers you meet at a bar or on a trip, exchanging intimate secrets, sending flirty texts to someone, hiding your relationship status from others, maintaining an online dating profile, hiding certain interactions or friendships, or frequently fantasising about someone other than your partner… these small acts may not seem suspicious at first. However, these behaviours can be linked to micro-cheating.

“Micro-cheating is a set of subtle and seemingly harmless actions that can breach the boundaries of a committed relationship. It involves engaging in behaviours that may not be physically or sexually explicit but still involve emotional or romantic connections with someone outside the relationship,” Ekta Dixit, a life and relationship coach (ektadixit_speaks) told indianexpress.com. These acts fall short of outright physical or emotional betrayal but encompass behaviours that can breach a couple’s spoken or unspoken norms, trust, and boundaries in other ways.

But this dating trend is nothing new. Thanks to our new obsession with naming dating trends, we just now have the language to call out this behaviour. However, it’s become more common than ever before, because we’ve increasingly become online.

“In the name of monogamy and being with the same person, people may find it to be a bit monotonous or too routine, so just finding a little escape here and there can be called micro-cheating. It does mean a physical connection with somebody outside your relationship, it can also be an emotional connection which is getting stronger than your existing relationship,” Radhika Mohta, a matchmaker and relationship coach said.

Harms of micro-cheating

Micro-cheating refers to acts of seemingly trivial, inappropriate behaviours that occur outside of one’s devoted relationship, sometimes done unintentionally. (Source: Freepik)

Although micro-cheating doesn’t always lead to a full-blown affair, it can result in relational problems down the road. The number one sign that somebody is micro-cheating could mean prioritising someone else–and their feelings, approval, or attention–over their partner. So micro-cheating can start off innocently but end up as adultery.

Dixit explained that micro-cheating can erode your partner’s trust because every individual’s perception of cheating can be different. “When emotional energy is directed outside the relationship, it can diminish the desire for closeness and intimacy within the committed partnership. This can lead to feelings of neglect, rejection, or a lack of fulfillment,” she said.

Moreover, suspecting micro-cheating can have a significant impact on an individual’s self-esteem. “It can lead to feelings of inadequacy, betrayal, and self-doubt. The person who has been micro-cheated on may question their own worth and desirability, which can take a toll on their overall well-being,” Dixit added.

Adding to this, Aanchal Narang, Counselling Psychologist & Founder, Another Light Counselling said, “Micro-cheating is extremely harmful because what it does is, it creates the space for cheating to happen. It also causes harm because it gives you the possibility of thinking about what’s outside the relationship, how tempting it is and if you would like to explore it.”

How to deal with it

The one who is micro-cheating needs to be cognisant about their action’s impact on the relationship. So, communicating with your partner about your exclusivity or non-monogamy preference is important.

“If you find your partner behaving differently or micro-cheating, confront your concerns to them on how it has impacted you in a constructive way. Setting healthy boundaries as to what is allowed and what is not is essential,” explained Dixit.

Additionally, understanding the underlying reasons behind the micro-cheating behaviour–is it a result of dissatisfaction within the relationship, a need for validation, or a lack of emotional intimacy, can help. “Reflecting on these motivations can help both partners gain insight into the root causes and work towards addressing them by creating novel strategies to work on the “missing” factor in your relationship, which can spice up the spark between you two,” said Dixit.

Further, she said, “In some cases, couples may benefit from seeking the guidance of a relationship counsellor or therapist. A trained professional can provide a neutral space for both partners to express their concerns and help facilitate productive discussions to rebuild trust and intimacy.”

Similarly, Narang said, “The best way to deal with micro-cheating is to be able to discuss clear boundaries. For a couple to have a conversation about what cheating is, according to each partner, and discuss what are the deal breakers, is important. It’s always good to check in and exactly know what your partner calls cheating because the definition differs for different people.”

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