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Journalism of Courage
As parents, disciplining kids can be a tricky task. In an attempt to strike the right balance between strict rules and occasional leniency, most adults often end up doubting themselves and their parenting skills. Know that you are not alone. In a recent interview with comedian Bharti Singh, television actor Shweta Tiwari shared her parenting rules for daughter Palak.
“You might be going out, but you are not of age to stay out later than 11pm. If you are going out promising to return by 1 am, you should be at the doorstep by 1 am sharp. You can’t say I am leaving the party at 1 o’clock. And whichever party you’re going to, share contact numbers of all your friends accompanying you, along with their mothers’ numbers. Also, tracking her phone to check her location — if I couldn’t reach her, I would go there myself in the next 30 minutes,” shared the Kasautii Zindagi Kay actor.
Reflecting on the same, Rima Bhandekar, Psychologist at Mpower, Aditya Birla Education Trust, said, such strict parenting can instill discipline and responsibility, but excessive rigidity may lead to lower self-esteem, heightened anxiety, and difficulty in expressing emotions. On the other hand, a lenient approach fosters independence and confidence, but when extreme, it can lead to impulsiveness, a lack of discipline, and struggles with authority.
She believes a well-balanced, supportive parenting approach is the best way ahead.
“Supportive parenting is about asking your child what they want to be, without adding ‘you should’ right after. This kind of parenting is one of the predictors of a child confidently choosing their career, even if it is far from parental legacy and societal expectations,” she said.
Such parents provide the space needed to choose what feels right for the child, such as resources, encouragement, and emotional stability, while giving them the choice to choose their path without judgment of tradition, societal status, prestige, and money. However, this doesn’t mean parents do not inform them about real-world concerns about their career choices. Still, they help children analyse their options in a way that communicates trust, respect, and belief in the child’s ability to decide after critically evaluating the pros and cons of it.
“By doing so, their children know their self-worth isn’t connected tightly to fulfilling someone else’s dream; but their own passion, they’re better prepared to handle setbacks on their own,” said Bhandekar, adding that they are more likely to stand firm in their choices due to nurturing space provided by parents who value who they are, not just what they achieve.
“They find purpose in their career, not just choose any job available. They develop into adults who work with zeal, not as an obligation to others,” she added.
According to Bhandekar, here’s what you could do to try to raise a confident, fulfilled child:
“The definition of success is different for everyone; comparison doesn’t always help. A contented child is more successful than a stressed one. Your child’s future isn’t always about living your legacy; it’s about creating their own,” Bhandekar said.
