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Journalism of Courage
Apart from being a phenomenal actor who has impressed everyone with his performances for over two decades, Shahid Kapoor is also an out-and-out family man who enjoys “normalcy” in his life, away from the glitz and glamour of the film industry. That’s exactly what drew the actor towards Mira Kapoor when the duo met during an arranged marriage setup, almost 9 years ago. In an interaction with Humans of Bombay, Shahid said, “She has a strong individual personality and she didn’t care that I was an actor. It wasn’t a major factor for her and I think that’s what I crave. I crave normalcy. Because I am always surrounded by people who first see me as a star, you want to have a normal personal life.”
But, why did he opt for an arranged marriage? “I was 33-34 and I was very lonely. I would win awards, come back home, and share them with my dog. I realised you need to share your life with somebody. I was single and happy, life was great, and I was independent. But, I was lonely so I wanted to have an immediate family,” Shahid answered, adding that he was doubtful if he would find a girl who could understand both sides — spiritual and glamorous — of his personality.
“I was open to meeting someone I could settle down with. My biggest concern was I have a very schizophrenic reality – one side is all spiritual, meditation, no alcohol, meditation, etc and the other side is all about my acting and glamour. So, I thought the girl would understand only either of the two. That’s when I met Mira,” he added.
Addressing the couple’s 14-year age gap, Shahid said, “When I met her, she was just 20 and I was 34. First of all, I thought she was too young. I was semi-embarrassed at that time. But once we started talking, she was very mature and very sure of herself.”
Shahid, who is married to Mira for almost 8 years, believed that a marriage is like a test match. “You go through so many different phases and you grow together. Children happen and as we enter different phases, we will see each other and the relationship growing and evolving. You have to navigate it a little once in a while. You have to always be collaborative about the process. You will go through phases you don’t get each other and you will have to sit down and understand each other. Once you cross that phase, you are so much stronger,” he said.
As for being a father to two children as a public figure, he admits to being a little protective. “I feel I have always been a little reserved. I have always liked to keep it less than more when it comes to my personal space being viewed. While I understand it’s important for people to have a little perspective to get a sense of who I am, I have to be protective of it. I think, to some degree, people have been sensitive, especially when it comes to my children. The paps have been very sweet and have always obliged when I asked them to not click my children,” he said.
Sharing insights into his life with his children, Shahid said that Zain and Misha live a largely normal life away from the limelight. “I want them to do normal things. They have just about discovered what I do. So I am kinda scared about how this will pan out. Because I have seen kids who are just not able to deal with it so I am scared about it. I spend as much time as I can with them. I can’t help myself as they are very addictive. They are also very persuasive and manipulative; they get what they want. I get manipulated by them and I love being manipulated by them,” he said.
For Shahid, the most crucial aspect of love is loving oneself. “I think it’s very important and I feel there’s so much mental chatter when I look at every one. You keep talking to yourself. Why? Just let it be. You are who you are. There’s no need to constantly check yourself. I just feel that people aren’t loving themselves enough because there is so much exposure to so many other types of people and lives out there. Earlier, it wasn’t the case. You would live with a smaller group of people. Your exposure would be limited. What you see on social media is not always real. People might look all happy on Instagram but might be depressed in reality.”
While he admits to not loving himself, he said that he likes himself and is comfortable with who he is. “It has been a journey. Everything has something unique about them. It feels so much more natural and peaceful because you are not trying to be something else,” Shahid said.
During the interaction, the actor also opened up about being raised by a single mother. “Being the elder son of a single mother is definitely very different from having a father figure in the house or being the younger one when there are older people taking accountability. Also, my mom wasn’t born in Bombay. She was from Delhi and her base was that of a classical dancer and she came here to become an actor. That was a long journey for her because when people come from another city and they have a change of profession, they have to start from scratch,” Shahid shared.
He shared that he wished to support his mother from an early age. “Since she was only 20-21 when I was born, I was already a teenager when she was in her early 30s. By her mid-30s, I was finishing school and wanted to support her. I wanted her to not have the pressure of paying for my education or my expenditure. That was a strong driving factor for me and I didn’t want my mom to be doing it all alone. And, that’s not always a good thing because you need to go through the different phases of life to get to the place where you are man enough to be a professional. It started very early. I started dancing with Shiamak Davar when I was 15 and fortunately, he liked my dancing so he included me in his group and I became a professional. So I started earning and I was at least able to support myself. I wanted to do more work so I started doing a few ads and music videos. I was proud of the fact that I am self-sufficient.”
Shahid, however, is proud of his journey as he believes that his struggles made him who he is. “Everything in life is meant to happen so that we become who we are and so that we come to where we come. So, we should be proud of our journeys. I feel bad for people who don’t struggle because they are not conditioned to fight. I feel like I am conditioned to survive and fight anything,” he said.
Concluding, he asked everyone to go out there and start working. “Don’t have conditions. Learn to take things as they come. Learn to do things that make you uncomfortable because discomfort polishes you to be in a better position. You need to be good at people and situations apart from being good at what you do. I wanted everything to be the way it should be so that I can do what I want to. But, you should do what you want to despite the circumstances. That’s what being a professional is. You should believe in yourself. Do what you really believe in. Don’t chase success, chase passion. Be happy and don’t be in a hurry. Be a master of one instead of being a jack of all,” he said.
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