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Journalism of Courage
For those in their mid-to-late 20s, the question of settling down is a constant concern. Sometimes, due to their own insecurities, and most of the time due to societal pressure, especially if you live in India, where marriages are considered a sacred and mandatory arrangement. However, the concept of settling down is very subjective, as pointed out by actor Manisha Koirala. For her, “Settling down completely means you are comfortable in your skin, you are comfortable with who you are and how you want to lead your life and how you see yourself…”
Breaking away from the orthodox understanding of settling down, Koirala told Pinkvilla, “Just be happy, own your life, own who you are, be proud about it. And be absolutely comfortable with the world and yourself in it. That’s settling down… not getting married and having kids…”
Relationship expert Vivek Vasisht told indianexpress.com that earlier societies weren’t chasing happiness; they were trying to survive chaos. “Everything in nature moves from high energy to low energy, from chaos to order. The cheapest way to repurchase order then was marriage, simply speaking, one household, two roles, predictable children, a simple equilibrium.”
Perhaps the glorified idea of marriage has undermined self-growth so much that people are unable to look at their lives beyond set parameters, which revolve around studying, finding a job, and getting married.
“Earlier, marriage and children became the obvious stabilisers for both survival and society. What mattered wasn’t happiness, but predictability. Today, food, sex, and safety can be outsourced. Marriage is no longer the only low-energy state. A single person with steady routines, such as rent paid, Netflix queued, and groceries delivered, can feel just as settled as a couple raising kids,” explained Vashisht.
The real shift isn’t why we settle down. It’s how.
As pointed out by the 55-year-old actor, getting married and having kids should not be a mandate. “Duniya ke saamne sab theek hai, par andar andar sab gadbad hai…” For her, it is all about owning your presence. “Just claim your space. And that’s what I call settling down…,” she emphasised.
Vashisht explained that the old version of settling down was something you proved on the outside. Most of it was suggested or even arranged by elders who decided what settled should look like at that age. “A man without a wife, a woman without a child, a parent who hadn’t married off their kids, each was judged through those narrow lenses. It was society’s way of measuring stability in things that could be seen, counted, and rewarded,” he added.
But redefining it today means flipping the camera inward. What actually feels like order to you? For some, it’s the quiet of living alone with books and plants. For others, it’s building a company, committing to a spiritual practice, or even moving cities every year while still carrying an anchor inside.
The relationship expert further shared that settling doesn’t have to mean stopping. It’s about reaching a rhythm where your energy isn’t scattered, where you’re not always scrambling for food, safety, or validation. The external version is still popular because it’s easy to track. However, the internal version might appear unstable to your relatives, while in truth, you’re the most grounded you’ve ever been.
The point isn’t to tick boxes others can see. The point is to find a way of living that’s sustainable for you and something that steadies you over time, even if it looks unconventional from the outside.
DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.
