‘In North India, sons-in-law are like Gods’: Kusha Kapila wants to be a ‘ghamandi Indian damaad’ for a day

Recalling how it went in her family, Kapila said: “In my family, whenever my bua’s husband would come home, and I have seen my dad’s behaviour around him, the preparation would start two days before. The prep was immaculate. The tikki was golden, the bhalla was fluffy, the butter chicken was creamy, and the naan was exceptional. Pulling all stops kind of situation.”

The contrast between how bahus and damaads are treated is indeed striking, with the latter often being placed on a pedestal. Neha Cadabam, senior psychologist and executive director at Cadabams Hospitals, noted that despite long-standing stereotypes, a common struggle faced by newly married women is balancing one’s individuality with the expectations of the new family. Differences in lifestyle, traditions, and communication styles can sometimes lead to misunderstandings and further drive home the stereotype.

“Creating a welcoming and supportive environment for a new family member requires empathy, open communication, and mutual respect. Families can start by acknowledging that the daughter-in-law is adjusting to a new home, traditions, and relationships. Encouraging open discussions about expectations without imposing rigid roles can help ease this transition,” she explained.

Kusha Kapila recalls her family’s stories of treating her father’s brother-in-law with added respect (Source: Instagram/@kushakapila)

How can families overcome this issue?

A sense of belonging is built when the family includes the new member in decision-making, respects her individuality, and provides emotional support rather than immediate expectations of conformity. “Small gestures like involving her in family traditions at her comfort level and encouraging her to maintain her own interests and identity can create a nurturing environment,” Cadabam said.

Relationships thrive when both sides invest in understanding and patience. It is essential to remember that, just as the daughter-in-law is adapting to a new family, the in-laws are also adjusting to a new member. According to Cadabam, mutual effort involves finding common ground, being open to learning about each other’s perspectives, and allowing the relationship to grow organically.

“Simple acts of kindness, shared experiences, and clear communication help foster trust. Rather than expecting an immediate familial bond, allowing the relationship to develop at a comfortable pace leads to stronger connections. A healthy in-law relationship is not about perfection but about respect, effort, and willingness to embrace each other’s differences,” said the psychologist.

To navigate these challenges, she added that newly married individuals can set healthy boundaries while also making an effort to engage with their in-laws’ traditions and values. “Expressing concerns calmly and openly, rather than suppressing them, can prevent future conflicts. Seeking support from a partner is also essential; having honest conversations about expectations and feelings helps bridge gaps between the two families,” she concluded.

DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to. Always consult your health practitioner before starting any routine.

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