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Journalism of Courage
In modern times, societal expectations often pressure people to settle down by a certain age, but actor Divya Dutta offers a refreshing perspective on finding contentment in being single during an interview with Shenaz Treasury for Hauterrfly.
In her 40s, Dutta has chosen to embrace a life that prioritises her own happiness and growth. When asked why people equate women being single in their 40s to desperation, Dutta mentions, “I would actually think it the other way around. You actually had a clear head and you’ve decided that your peace of mind and you, more importantly, so… I’m more important, and I prioritised my life… and it’s not about being desperate (sic).”
She continues, “I think desperate is when you’re seeking something. When you stop seeking and when you feel ‘okay I’m happy within my own self and if anything has to happen it has to happen very organically’… I think I’m in that state of mind.”
But how do people find genuine contentment in this stage? And what are the mental and emotional shifts that make singlehood fulfilling, not lonely?
Malika Chandra, a psychotherapist, tells indianexpress.com, “Singlehood later in life can bring a unique sense of freedom and contentment. Many people in their 40s and beyond find that societal pressures around relationships lessen with age, allowing them to make choices more aligned with their true desires. This liberation often stems from greater self-acceptance developed over the years, making it easier to prioritise personal happiness over external expectations.”
For many, she adds, age and experience help build immunity to societal conditioning. Women, in particular, may experience increased resilience to societal judgments about singlehood, as they have often faced and challenged these norms throughout their lives. “The ability to live authentically and choose happiness becomes easier as one grows older, though not everyone is fortunate enough to reach this place.”
Chandra continues, “Additionally, embracing singlehood allows for more meaningful relationships across various areas of life. Since no one friend or partner can fulfill all needs, being single often provides the freedom to maintain a broader network of friends and family members. Each relationship can fulfill different aspects of one’s personality, enriching life in ways that may not be possible within a more traditional partnership.”
Building a fulfilling life as a single person requires letting go of strict expectations, notes Chandra. It’s okay to “seek companionship if your needs change”; what matters is remaining honest with yourself and flexible to evolving desires. “While companionship can provide comfort and temporary resolution to loneliness, if it isn’t truly aligned with your values, it can create a disconnect between your internal and external self, potentially impacting long-term mental health,” she says.
A strong support network is essential. Chandra recommends, “Embrace the idea that it ‘takes a village’ to live a fulfilling life — especially in an increasingly individualistic society. When single, you have more resources and energy to maintain a variety of friendships, pursue hobbies, and build connections that can satisfy different aspects of your personality.”
Ultimately, she says that a flexible mindset — one that values self-empathy and the acceptance of diverse, meaningful relationships — can help enhance the experience of singlehood without feeling the need to conform to traditional norms.
