Spot mental health triggers in children: What pushed Jaipur girl, 9, and Delhi boy, 16, over the edge?

Much as we see self-harm as impulsive, they are not. There are always early signs, yet parents and teachers usually fail to recognise them or dismiss them as “mood swings” or “phase.”

How parents can spot triggers

If a child says things like, “I don’t want to live” or “It’s better if I disappear,” then do not dismiss them as a rant or take them lightly. Children lack words for emotional pain, and such statements are their way of communicating distress. This is an immediate red flag for their inner suffering. Sit them down and find out what is bothering them. Explain how to get around what they perceive is a crisis.

Watch out for physical behavioural traits like cutting, scratching themselves or banging their head against the wall. This is not attention-seeking behaviour, which most parents and elders misconstrue. Rather, it is a serious indication of emotional overload. Sometimes this may manifest as neglecting self-care routines. The child may stop bathing or maintaining hygiene, refuse to eat, sleep longer and want to miss school for no apparent reason.

These are shifts that reflect emotional withdrawal, depression, or overwhelming stress. When a child refuses to go to school, something that they look forward to everyday, find out the trigger. It could be an indication that the child is being harassed or bullied, be it by peers or by some teacher. Or they are simply caving in under performance anxiety in a competitive environment.

Children who are struggling emotionally and cannot adapt to reality may isolate themselves in their rooms, stop talking to friends, excuse themselves from family conversations and lose interest in hobbies and activities they once enjoyed.

This withdrawal signifies growing internal struggle, loneliness, or depression. A sudden performance decline in school work, sports, play, hobbies and household routines is more than laziness or behavioural issues. It is an internal emotional shutdown in which the child feels overwhelmed and unable to cope.

What Should Parents Do?

• Listen without judgment. Create a space where children feel safe to talk about their feelings.
• Observe behaviour closely. Small changes can indicate big emotional struggles.
• Understand school and social media pressures that make the child feel they are the odd one out. Usually associated with body image issues.
• Early professional intervention: Consult a child psychiatrist or counsellor immediately if warning signs appear.
• Communicate regularly. Talk openly about emotions, stress, bullying, friendships and mental health.

Remember, children with unusual behaviour patterns are experiencing emotional distress for which they are not prepared or have the tools to negotiate with. Recognizing warning signs, keeping the lines of communication open and seeking mental health professional help in a timely manner can safely bring children back from the edge.

(Dr Joshi is Child, Adolescent & Forensic Psychiatrist at Fortis Hospital, Delhi)

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