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Journalism of Courage
Actor-turned-author Twinkle Khanna shared a post on parenthood where she says that parents’ job is not to give children perfect childhood but rather fill their heads with innovative ideas and love them unconditionally. She added while doing so, day after day, mothers also need to remind themselves that they are a lot more than just mommies to their kids.
“Our job is not to give our children perfect childhoods. It is to fill their heads with ideas, to honour their strengths and make them aware, but never underline their weaknesses. It involves loving them madly and throwing a few vegetables down their throats. We need to permanently dedicate a large number of our neurons towards their mosquito bites, bad grades and hurt feelings,” wrote the ‘The Legend Of Lakshmi Prasad’ author.
She further added, “And we must do all of this, day after day, without losing sight of everything we are and can be, along with being their mothers”.
Many celebrity mommies like Malaika Arora, Namrata Shirodkar, Tisca Chopra, Tahira Kashyap and others lauded Twinkle’s observations.
We spoke to clinical psychologist, Kritika Zutshi, Fortis Hospital Kalyan and Mulund and she seems to agree that parents should not strive towards ‘perfectionism’.
“Perfection is possible in ideal circumstances. However, ideal situations do not exist in the real world. Therefore, accepting ourselves might be more effective in being better parents because they would know when to change their parenting style based on situations,” says Zutshi.
She further added, “Parents should not be worried about being perfect or ideal because parenting is like a skill, and our experience makes us better. Expecting to be perfect might put unrealistic expectations on parents and failure may be perceived with a lot of self-criticism”.
Things parents should never do to their kids
Striving for perfectionism is a mistake and can lead parents to practice harmful attitudes like being judgemental and critical of their children. These behaviors are detrimental for a child’s healthy growth. Zuthshi, lists outs some points that the parents should keep in mind:
1. Parents demanding perfectionism also puts those expectations on children which might become the conditions of worth for the children.
2. Parents should not punish or behave punitively towards children when they make errors. Mistakes are a part of human behaviour and room for errors must be allowed for children’s natural growth.
3. Being neglectful, authoritarian, or over permissive behaviour might yield unhealthy emotions and behaviour in children.
