How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

Anyone who works in the media will have similar horror stories. Some as sordid as this. But most often the tales revolve around sheer stupidity. And thats what makes it insufferably rude. Even in a reasonably benign profession like mine,where hype and hoopla are par for the course,you tolerate a certain simplicity. You put up with stupid phone calls that ask you if you are actually a food magazine pretending to be a fashion one. You accept that there will be an argument when you refuse to give the sale of a Rs 2 sachet of soup breaking news status (which,incidentally,tastes like boiled socks). You even take a deep breath and count till 10 while a PR executive decides she should use that same argumentative phone call to tell you about the steel cable company her firm also represents. Note,none of them have any relevance to our core competence. God forbid you flip your lid. You get complete aggression. This morning,someone called me to check if I was still the editor of the magazine. When I pointed that a masthead existed for that express purpose,I was told I was rude!

Alas,the reason for this inanity comes from the top. Most PR heads are clueless about what their job means. Here is a news flash: It isnt about column inches. It is about getting the right information to the right people. There is an addendum to that: Without rubbing the right people the wrong way. While this might sound almost rudimentary etiquette in most other professions,in PR it seems the official edict is to ignore all business protocol. For instance,complete ignorance of the media structure seems to be a plus when hiring is done. The inability to use proper greetings seems to be rewarded with a pay rise. (Yes,most calls begin with a wassup and segue into yaar this and yaar that) And if an email gets the name wrong,they are next in line for a promotion. (Trust me,I have forgotten the number of times I get Mr Rao emails,that start with Hey and end with XOXO.) Oh,and if you can turn a bonafide complaint into a personal insult aimed at you,who else then you get to be CEO. But what can you expect from an industry whose poster girl nearly brought down two of Indias largest industrial houses.

Of course,I am not saying everyone in the business is a rotten egg. Some of my best friends are in the business and they are the smartest,most sophisticated people I have come across. In a crisis,I often try and channel their savvy to get out of a sticky situation. But these are the people who understand that PR is all about building a brand. They know how to woo the media. So much so,a lot of what you read is actually directed by the PR head. They are kingmakers in a way. They decide which designer you think is the next big thing. Or which anti-ageing cream will erase wrinkles. And where you should book your next holiday. Most of my friends will not sign up an account unless they believe in the mission statement of the brand. Which is why PR is the personal touch of an ad campaign. You might think you are worth it,but it is a clever media professional who persuades you to translate a testimonial into truth. Unfortunately,this tribe is a minority.

Also to be charitable,PR pests do have their uses. Swapping bizarre tales is a great way to pass time during fashion week,for example. Each media company has one story funnier than the next. The other significant contribution PR companies make to our lives is by providing a key tool in learning. In our office we tack bad press releases on a wall under the heading how not to write. So far it has been a pretty effective aid in training interns on what not to do.

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