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Journalism of Courage
As a first step towards normalising relations between India and Pakistan the Foreign Secretaries of the two countries have decided to go ahead with India’s cricket tour of Pakistan. Official spokesmen of both said this was ‘‘in the interests of reducing tension in the subcontinent’’. Both sides have agreed to the following conditions
Advisory to Indian team
Sehwag should not hit any Pakistan bowler in the first ball for a six, Sachin Tendulkar should also not hit any Shoaib Akhtar bouncer over the covers for a six, Tendulkar and Dravid should ensure that the ball reaches the fielder at least thrice in an over. Tail-enders like Irfan Pathan or Balaji should play their natural game and not try to hit bowlers during the slog overs.
Advisory to Pakistan team
Shoaib Akhtar should bowl at an average of 100 kms per hour but under no circumstances should his speed increase to 125 kms per hour.
Sledging
Both sides should only abuse in English, sub-continental accents allowed. When any player gets out the bowler should walk up to the batsmen and say better luck next time. Irfan Pathan should not be allowed to jump more than ten inches when he gets a wicket. The famous Indian huddle after every wicket is banned — only the bowler and the captain should be allowed to huddle.
Security
Armed men will be placed close to the batsmen and the fielding team within ten feet, if the ball hits the security men the ball is re-bowled — if the security men himself handles the ball a fine would be imposed on Pakistani Rangers. As a matter of abundant precaution, the venue name would be made public only at the last minute although crowds would be at all the stadiums, which would ensure adequate gate money. Crowds would not able to carry anything but wear specially designed clothes that would contain radioactive impulse. Both sides agreed the impulse, which would give a mild shock, would be activated only under extreme circumstances.
TV coverage
Ten Sports would not be allowed to show any replay of a good six or an excellent wicket-taking yorker if it inflames passions. No shots of Ganguly twirling his T-shirts should be shown. Instead he would be given a small handkerchief if wants to twirl. No disputed decision should be shown without the clearance of the neutral umpire.
Neutral Umpire
As many as 200 neutral umpires would be placed in strategic places in India and Pakistan and would be able to reverse any decision that could arouse passions. The neutral umpire would have adequate representation of Indian and Pakistanis, the Hurriyat and all militant groups interested in resolving the Kashmir issue through dialogue would also be invited.
The results
In view of the elections in the country and an assumption that an Indian loss would benefit the Opposition and a victory would give an edge to the NDA, the Election Commission, in consultation with Duckworth and Lewis, decide a) the final outcome of the match b) Give bonus votes to whichever party stands to win or lose c) And in some cases delay the announcement of results till the elections are over in India in April.
Secretary of State Colin Powell dismissed media reports that the US had a hand in resolving the issue. “We only play baseball. But if this experiment succeeds we want to try it. After all this is an election year for us too.’’
