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Journalism of Courage
If you thought men marrying older women was a fad from the west, think again. In this small village about 100 kms from Vadodara, men, rather boys, marry only older women.
Nestled in the hills of tapering Satpura ranges, on the edge of Gujarat-Madhya Pradesh border, lies Gabadia, dominated by members of Rathwa community. No one here knows the exact origin of the custom. But unlike the west, the explanation for such marriages is far more prosaic.
Amidst rhythmic sounds of dhols and flowing tadi, a tribal wedding is on in the village. Bajri, 25, is marrying Santokh, 17. Swinging to the tune of the drums, Prakash Rathwa, the girl’s father, is in no mood to talk. On being quizzed on the custom, Kocharbhai Rathwa, a village elder seeks help from his daughter-in-law Ramili. ‘‘Tu bata na (You tell them),’’ he gestures to her. A little coaxing and he relents.
Santokh will soon be working in the fields. During the months that there is no rain, he will have to move to the cities for work. It is in times like these that an added member in the family is an asset. And if you need someone to help out, why not someone capable, someone elder? Enter, an elder bride!
Ramili, who married a few years ago, explains: ‘‘If a younger bride comes to our place she would waste time playing. The elder girls are mature and can work.’’
And so almost all the 80 odd families of the village have women elder than their husbands. Kochar, who puts his age at teen bissa (three score years), is five years younger than his wife. Kochar’s son Ramesh is 17, and soon to be married. His fiancee is 22. Ramesh makes us meet every family in the village and brings them out of their hiding.
Says Kochar:‘‘They fear that perhaps you are from administration and would book them for marrying children before their age.’’
But there is deeper meaning behind this custom. For a community, whose life is attached to land, there is a deep respect for fertility. This explains the respect that women command here.
Prof Ganesh Devi who runs an institute on tribal studies in the area links this custom to the fertility cult that puts women ahead of men. ‘‘If we divide people into communities that follow words, and those that follow pictures, then these tribals come in the latter. For them, the land is reality, not maya. So the association of land with fertility, and consequent belief of women as above men.’’
‘‘‘The fact that one respects elders anyway, there is little wife beating in these families. Women have a say in all decisions. To top it all, dowry is given to the girl on marriage as she obliges you and not vice versa. She also has a legal right to dissolve the marriage if she is unhappy,’’ explains Devi.
