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Journalism of Courage
In a recent interview, acclaimed actor Manoj Bajpayee shed light on his long-standing collaboration with filmmaker Anurag Kashyap, describing him as a ‘loner’ and ‘detached’ individual.
Bajpayee, in an interview with Sushant Sinha on YouTube, shared that Kashyap is very well-read and wise, qualities that he admires and has learned from. But, the former pointed out that the latter can be unpredictable in social situations. “He’s a detached person; he’s a loner. Actually, he’s my junior by several years, but because he’s a wise man — he reads a lot — I have learned a lot from him. But he’s a recluse; he enjoys his company and doesn’t meet too many people. He’s the kind of person who can speak to you for two hours, but in the third hour starts hating you,” Bajpayee said.
While there’s nothing wrong with spending some time alone, the terms ‘loner’ and ‘detached’ can be misconstrued sometimes as negative traits. But, is that true?
Gurleen Baruah, organisational psychologist at That Culture Thing says, “It’s important to distinguish between loneliness, which is generally negative, and being a loner, which can be a positive personality trait often associated with introversion. Loneliness can occur even in the presence of others if there’s a lack of deep, authentic connections. In contrast, loners prefer their own company, valuing independence and autonomy.”
Being a loner and detached, she states, can foster increased creativity, independence, focus, and the ability to engage in deep work. Individuals who enjoy solitude, reading, working on their craft, and using alone time to recharge can thrive, enhancing their well-being and personal growth.
While being a loner and detached can be positive on a personal level, these traits can be considered differently by the society we live in.
One major drawback is stigma and misjudgment, Baruah stresses. “Society often equates social interaction with well-being, so those who prefer solitude are frequently labeled as lonely, sad, or depressed. This can lead to unfair assumptions about their mental health and happiness, despite many loners thriving in their own company and finding fulfillment in solitary activities.”
Additionally, loners may face unwarranted pity and social exclusion. People might feel sorry for them, assuming they must be suffering, and exclude them from social events or professional opportunities, believing they lack social skills or are not team players.
Furthermore, loners’ behaviour can be misinterpreted as arrogance or aloofness, hindering the formation of meaningful relationships. In professional environments, their preference for working independently may be seen as a lack of engagement, Baruah informs.
Here are some ways to achieve this balance and the benefits it brings, according to Baruah:
Quality over quantity: Loners and introverts can cultivate deep, meaningful relationships with a few close friends and family members. These connections provide emotional support and a sense of belonging.
Scheduled social interactions: Setting aside dedicated time for social activities can help maintain relationships without compromising alone time.
Engage in shared interests: Participating in group activities related to their interests, such as book clubs, creative workshops, or hobby groups, allows loners to connect with like-minded people.
Balance in professional life: In the workplace, loners can balance solitary tasks with collaborative projects. They can engage in team meetings and brainstorming sessions while also ensuring they have time to work independently.
Structured alone time: Scheduling regular alone time helps loners recharge and maintain their well-being. Activities such as reading, writing, meditating, or working on personal projects can be highly restorative.
