‘It isn’t the good thing to do’: When Aishwarya Rai spoke about premarital sex on Oprah; how cultural values shape conversations on intimacy in India

When Oprah further questioned her whether premarital sex was accepted in India, Aishwarya didn’t shy away from answering. She said, “Broadly speaking, it isn’t the good thing to do.” Her answer reflected a mix of cultural values and personal belief — one that continues to spark conversation even today, as attitudes toward sex, relationships, and morality evolve.

So, what role do cultural and societal expectations play in shaping how people perceive premarital sex?

Psychologist Anjali Gursahaney tells indianexpress.com, “In countries like India, cultural and societal expectations wield tremendous influence over individual attitudes toward sex and relationships.” She adds that Indian society has long emphasised values like purity, honour, and family reputation, especially tied to a woman’s sexuality. Premarital sex often gets framed as a moral issue rather than a personal or health-related choice.

When Oprah further questioned her whether premarital sex was accepted in India, Aishwarya didn’t shy away from answering. (Source: Express archive photo)

Furthermore, various religions practiced in India (Hinduism, Islam, Christianity, etc.) traditionally advocate for abstinence before marriage, reinforcing conservative values. Gursahaney notes, “While modern media is becoming bolder, there’s still a double standard — female characters engaging in premarital sex are often portrayed with consequences, unlike their male counterparts. Arranged marriages, family honour, and ‘what will people say’ narratives deeply affect personal decision-making.”

How do views such as Aishwarya’s shape young minds in conservative societies when it comes to relationships and intimacy?

Gursahaney explains that when a respected public figure like Aishwarya Rai voices a conservative opinion, it can validate existing societal norms. She says that this can lead to:

• Internal Conflict in Youth: Young people might feel confused or guilty for having desires or experiences that differ from what’s deemed “good” or “acceptable.”
• Shame and Secrecy: Instead of fostering open conversations, such views can drive young people to explore intimacy in secrecy, increasing risks due to lack of guidance (e.g., no sex ed, misinformation, unsafe practices).
• Idealisation of ‘Purity’: Reinforces unrealistic standards like virginity equating to value, which can negatively affect self-worth, especially in women.
• Fear-based Choices: People might choose partners or make relationship decisions based on avoiding judgment rather than authentic connection or compatibility.

How can families talk about sex and relationships while balancing tradition and today’s realities?

Gursahaney suggests the following:

• Acknowledge the intent behind traditional values — safety, stability, dignity.
• Focus on respect, consent, emotional readiness, and mutual care rather than just “right vs. wrong.”
• Encourage questions without judgment.
• Schools and communities can host sessions with psychologists, doctors, and relationship educators who blend modern perspectives with cultural sensitivity.
• Instead of lectures, use films, shows, and stories (even celebrity interviews) to spark discussion: ‘What do you think of what she/he said?’

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