On the first mobile phone ring,she disappointed someone matter-of-factly,Im travelling on work,I cant meet you. Luckily,she didnt rebuff me,I could extract Anamikas social and individual living style. Let me narrate the story of this 26-year-old Indian Zappers (below 30 years) game plan with callers lined up by her mother. She hails from a small town. Her mother wanted her to marry after school but she managed to negotiate a college education. Conscious of Anamikas grooming and health,her mother would nourish her hair with oil once a week. When Anamika discovered shampoo,shed sometimes stop by a friends house before a college function,wash and condition her hair to be bouncy so it wouldnt glisten limply on her head. She enjoyed the attention she got,especially after her friends introduced her to the simple eye-liner and notched up a space among those recognised as beautiful girls at college. On returning home,she had to justify her dry hair to her mother,and be subjected to increased frequency of oil massage. She kept her eye make-up a secret by washing her eyes to avoid explanations.
She aborted marriage preparations again after graduation by explaining that higher education would fetch a better earning husband. She cited how her college senior wooed a man earning Rs 80.000 per month. It worked. Her mother allowed her to leave home for higher education in a metro. Here her plight initially was incessant phone calls from home. She ran out of excuses of why she couldnt talk once every waking hour. Shed say she was attending classes,the signal was weak,she couldnt hear,was studying in the library,was cooking or travelling back to her PG. Every 15 days,her mother would download her apprehensions about how her life will go for a toss if she cant find her a good husband. This constant grating about marriage became a nightmare. She would shudder imagining going through pregnancy,having three babies in three years,becoming a plump housewife. Then,she fell in love. She and her boyfriend shacked up in an apartment guest house room that directly opened into the buildings corridor. Their male classmates occupied the 2 other rooms. Suddenly,her mother announced she was coming to see her in the big city. Anamika immediately got into drama mode and made her boyfriend shift out with one of the classmates,carefully extricated all traces of his belongings from her room. She trained him to keep a distance from her while being very considerate and coached her other classmates to behave the way her mother would approve.
On her arrival,Anamikas mother was taken in by the separate rooms and convinced of her total safety when she was shown how her room could be locked from the special corridor. She carefully watched the boyfriends caring behaviour,his concern for her daughters welfare,but could not gauge whether they had any physical relationship. She also discovered that this boy was from a wealthy family. Her mother left for home happy that her daughter was still under her control,and a suitable match for Anamika had come into the horizon. For Anamika,another pressure mounted thereafter. She and this suitable boy should consider marriage right away. But both of them had decided to enjoy their bachelor life while living together,and avoid the responsibilities of marriage. After higher education,they started on career building. Anamikas mother became desperate. As Anamika was not marrying the boy she had approved,she started Plan B,which was looking at other potential husbands for Anamika.
What to do now? Anamika applied emotional logic. She argued that shed gain confidence and become economically independent by working a few more years. Surely,her upwardly progressing career was important as her salary was more than many of the potential boys her mother was looking at? If by chance her marriage breaks,at least she could fall back on a job? She figured she had anaesthetised her mother to slightly push marriage into a back burner. But silently and persistently her mothers Plan B was gaining momentum. Working in different companies,Anamika and her boyfriend changed the city and continued living together. Her mother came to visit her there too,and they repeated the theatrics of her single living. This time Anamika had to hide her sexy party dresses too. Her mother was happy she retained her relationship with this boy as his protective nature was reassuring safety in a strange city. But its unclear whether she actually believed they had no physical relationship inspite of living under the same roof in different rooms. She always pretended she believes what Anamika says. As Anamika and I were talking,the phone rang again. Im very busy at work now, she thwarted another caller. She revealed shed been arm-twisted into participating in Plan B which had progressed to a full blown family drama. She had no qualms about playing this game jus to avoid marriage. She receives several calls from potential bridegrooms and fobs them all off. Shes told her boyfriend and he doesnt care about it either. The latest showdown with her mother was a tattoo she got inscribed in an inner part of her body. Her mother became ferocious on seeing it. But Anamika pleaded not guilty. She said she was imitating her grandmothers tattoo culture,but instead of the arm,at least shed hidden it inside. That silenced her mother. This is the way todays young Zappers are driving their lives. They adjust with their Compromise (30-45 years) and Retro (45+ years) generation parents. The social mist is very different in todays world. Lets not be mere spectators but participate as actors to understand digitally enmeshed youth frolicking in society.
Shombit Sengupta is an international creative business strategy consultant to top management. Reach him at http://www.shiningconsulting.com
