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A cat that is not a cat, called Goose though not a goose, which lays eggs that are not golden. And that is not the only thing messed up about The Marvels, the 33rd film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
That number alone should be a warning, but hardly ever has Marvel Studios spotted a chink in the space-time continuum that it didn’t want to jump through. The Marvels takes the challenge head-on, making an entire film about taking those jumps. And when those skies split open into hexagonal beehive shapes, there is nothing that won’t seep through in the film to another dimension — sun, water and atmosphere, included.
Now, that is one way to kill a planet – even if not the most visually appealing or entertaining. Another way is to have a planet where people don’t talk, they just sing — there is one of those too in the film.
But the entertainment burden is clearly meant to be shouldered by Ms Marvel, a.k.a Kamala Khan, the central character of the popular TV series, who has been teleported with entire family into the film. While Vellani is charming, how many times can you hear her exclaim “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!” at the sight of everything from Captain Marvel or Carol Denvers (Brie Larson), to Goose the cat’s tricks, to the end of the universe.
Technically, she is part of the team that Captain Marvel finds herself unwittingly at the heart of, and which includes Monica (Parris). Kamala, Carol and Monica find that one of those blips in one of those jumps through one of those wormholes has left them tethered together via light force – basically, when any of them uses their powers, they could find themselves in the same space and time as the other two.
On paper, this seems like an intriguing story device, not to mention the welcome prospect of seeing an all-woman Marvel team save the world.
On screen, this is used to no particular effect or laughs or mystery, with Vellani forever caught in an awe-struck teenager expression, Parris making no impression and Larson seeming jaded.
The three-in-one or one-in-three trick is ultimately just one more sleight of hand in a film that is desperately trying to show that there are still some things we haven’t seen in the 32 times we have been here.
Actually, there are two – one involves having to choose between being swallowed by a cat or dying; and the second has a crucial character praying to Allah for help as an escape pod carrying him and others including Nick Fury (Jackson) hurtles through space.
What are the chances you will see that again anytime soon?
The Marvels movie director: Nia DaCosta
The Marvels movie cast: Brie Larson, Iman Vellani, Teyonah Parris, Samuel L Jackson, Zenobia Shroff, Mohan Kapur
The Marvels movie rating: 2 stars
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