Khushboo Sundar opens up about being sexually abused by her father: ‘I was afraid to speak up’

The fear of her father’s wrath was so intense that Khushboo was hesitant to speak up about the abuse. She feared that if she revealed the truth, her father would become even more violent towards her family members. “There was this fear instilled in me that if you are going to speak about what he did, to anybody, then he would abuse them more, beat them up more. So I had to bear the brunt as I was already seeing how he was beating up my brothers and my mother. I was very scared,” she confessed.

However, Khushboo’s life took a turn for the better when she moved to Chennai and began working in the South Indian film industry. It was there that she gained the confidence to speak up about the abuse she had suffered. “After shifting to Chennai I got the confidence to speak up. The first time I spoke up was when I was 14,” she revealed.

Khushboo credits a hairdresser, Ubin, who worked with her on the sets of the film Janu, for helping her find the courage to speak up. Ubin, who had been a single parent herself, had noticed the way Khushboo’s father would behave towards her and had suspected something was amiss. “She probably noticed his touches and she had doubts because she herself had four grown up children. She was a single parent herself so she probably suspected that this man is probably not right. She had seen how he (her father) would beat her up on (shoot) location and on coming into the (hotel) room. She probably realised his body language towards me was not right. So she spoke to me, she asked me. That’s when I broke down to her and she told me that I have to speak to my mom,” Khushboo said.

Although Khushboo had confided in Ubin, she was still hesitant to speak up about the abuse to her mother and brothers. It wasn’t until two years later, when she had become financially independent and was working in the South Indian film industry, that she finally found the courage to reveal the truth to her family members. “But after two years when I started working in the south and became fully independent. That’s when I decided that I have to speak up. That’s when I spoke about it to my mother and brothers about it and I learned to say no to my dad. That’s when the problems grew. ‘How dare she say no?’ I learned to say no a bit before I spoke to my mother, when I realised that it is not normal, it is sexual abuse,” she said.

Khushboo’s decision to speak up about the abuse had severe consequences. Her father, who was unable to accept that his daughter had grown up and was no longer under his control, became even more violent towards her. “His immediate reaction was to physically abuse me. He used to beat me up on (shoot) location. He would slap me as I didn’t adhere to his instructions,” she revealed.

Despite the challenges she faced, Khushboo found support from her colleagues, who stood up for her against her father’s abuse. However, the fact that her father was her guardian and she was a minor at the time made it difficult for her to seek help. “I had colleagues who would stand up for me. But everybody was like he is the father and I was a minor. He couldn’t accept the fact that I had grown up and had learned to say no,” she said.

In the end, Khushboo’s father abandoned his family, leaving them to fend for themselves. “He just left us one night. He just decided to leave and went away. He left us in September 1986. And since then… I think he passed away last year, I don’t even know when and where. I have never seen him since,” she said, reflecting on the traumatic experiences of her past.

From the homepage

In Bihar poll results tomorrow, 3 pillars of NDA’s hopes: Nitish, Mahila vote, social arithmetic edge

Mahagathbandhan’s calculation: Caste maths, with Tejashwi as a plus

How Japan shrugged off its Rare Earths dependency on China