The Ba***ds of Bollywood music review: Shallow lyrics reign in album filled with club songs as great artistes masquerade as mediocre ones

As an industry that produces art, Bollywood is a confusing place, and so are its consumers. We celebrate art, and then we applaud creators who rehash old narratives or completely rip off someone’s work and pass it as their own. These unique idiosyncrasies of Bollywood leave it vulnerable to constant mockery and criticism. It can either be done like Anurag Kashyap (like a punch in the face), or the way late great Irrfan Khan did it with the now-deceased comedy ensemble AIB. When the trailer for Ba***ds of Bollywood came out, it felt as if the director Aryan Khan, along with the rest of the people in the cast, was ready to not take themselves seriously and entertain their audiences while accepting some harsh truths about the ecosystem. But after listening to the music album for the show, it seems like our superstars still believe their own hype too much.

The album starts with the track ‘Behad’, performed by singer Faheem Abdullah. His debut in Bollywood with the film Saiyaara took everyone by surprise, but it seems that the artiste has fallen victim to the sophomore curse, but it isn’t all his fault. Faheem is a great singer like Mercedes is a great car, and the lyrics to the song are bad just like Gurugram roads are bad during monsoon. The word ‘Behad’ is repeated so many times in the song that it feels like the writer, Shashwat Sachdev, was trying to make sure the listener remembers the forgettable track.

Then we move to ‘Gafoor’, which again puts Sachdev in the spotlight. It generates nothing, no feeling at all. It’s a noisy club song, which will be played by DJs for a few weeks, until they move to something better.

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Shashwat continues to be his own worst enemy throughout the album, as he shows hints of brilliance with his music but somehow handicaps that same music with the lyrics. ‘Badli Si Hawa Hai’ starts with a synthesiser tune that reminds one of Major Lazer, and Arijit Singh does what he does best. Observing the style of songs that do end up breaking through to some kind of internet fame, this track is one of the most likely candidates to do so, and what do you know? It has already amassed over 16 million views on YouTube. ‘Sajna Tu Baimaan’ is another candidate for being one of the most unnecessary songs on the entire album, with B Praak trying to do a Pitbull. With just the fourth song of the album, you start seeing a certain pattern about the kind of audience that Ba***ds of Bollywood is aiming for.

All those club songs will fit right into the playlist of every DJ from Colaba to Ansal Plaza and all the way to Tito’s Lane, so it might just be good for business. The title track, titled ‘Number 1’, is for the sole purpose of reminding people that Vishal Dadlani listens to a lot of metal (or RD Burman) and can also do a grunge voice. However, it’s no ‘Crazy Train’, ‘Pyar Hamein Kis Mod Pe’ or even ‘Dhan Te Nan’ from Kaminey. ‘Ashiqaan’ is another EDM track and has been performed by Jasmine Sandals. The singer even wrote the next track on the album, called ‘Ruseya’, which has been sung by Jubin Nautiyal.

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Now we turn to the track which will probably prove to be the most played song from this album: ‘Tu Pehle Tu Aakhri’. Shashwat uses Arijit perfectly and puts all the focus on the one thing most likely to guarantee a hit: Arijit’s voice. The backing piano complements the singer perfectly and takes over the reins from the other instruments at the perfect spots while also relinquishing them at the right time. The violin players on the track are worth lauding, as they play their part right to a tee. From a pure musical perspective (minus the lyrics), this is the best part of the album, as we then move to ‘Who’s Your Daddy’. The track seems like Shashwat took inspiration from the likes of Mark Ronson and the Jackson 5, but the entire quality of the song is thrown violently out of the window when the lyrics begin.

Why must they take the spotlight away from the extremely catchy bassline (the drummer is amazing too) with lyrics like ‘Disco mai mor nacha kisne dekha?’ The translation makes you shake your head with disappointment, but Shashwat does a commendable job with the composition of the track, without a doubt. Rapper Raja Kumari makes a forgettable comeback in the tracks ‘Everybody Knows’ and ‘Revolver’.

The latter of the two has been written collectively by Raja Kumari and director Aryan Khan himself, and it is another great example of the pattern we talked about earlier: club songs which work well for a crowd. The last two tracks of the album have been performed by two of the biggest Punjabi artists in the country. The first track is called ‘Movie Scene’ (may it never be used for one) and features Karan Aujla as the singer. Karan, who recently released his latest album P-Pop Culture, does something completely different for the track, which isn’t the best decision.

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Fast-paced drum fills and Vishal harmonising in the background (with apparently Aryan Khan) also fail to save this song. The music itself would have gone beautifully with a chase sequence, and maybe the visuals of the actual show can salvage something out of it. Diljit Dosanjh is the next singer on our docket, and ‘Tenu Ki Pata’ works well. The only problem is that the music video released on YouTube featuring Manoj Pahwa confuses you as a listener. Are they being serious? Or are they truly making fun of mainstream Bollywood music?

The album is a love letter to all the clubs of the country, as it provides them a setlist for the next coming months. Proven greats such as Karan, Diljit, Arijit (he brought it back, though), may make you dance but these are not the songs that quietly take over your mind and heart and stay with you. Shashwat displays the capability of making entertaining music, but he needs to trust his musical instincts more than his writing ones. The tracks, however, may have more to offer when they are consumed with the visuals of the show. Here’s to hoping that Aryan does deliver on his promise of a great show, does well with the amount of talent at his disposal and saves the album, while letting its winners save him.

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