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Anshula Kapoor, who recently made her appearance on the much-talked-about reality show Traitors, has opened up in a heartfelt conversation about the emotional impact of her parents’ divorce. Speaking candidly, Anshula reflected on how, for years, she internalised the blame for the separation of her parents, producer Boney Kapoor and the late Mona Shourie Kapoor.
“Under confidence seeped into my being, perhaps at the age of five or six, once my parents separated. I, for the longest time, thought that my parents’ relationship didn’t work out because of me, that I was the root cause of it. For a six-year-old to carry that weight is a lot. But my mom was the one who helped me understand that relationships are between two people. They start and end because of things that happen between those two people. And that, as a child, you have no bearing on them,” she shared with The Quint.
Furthermore, while speaking about her mother, Mona, Anshula said, “I always say that she was the wind beneath my wings. She was my literal spinal cord. She was my confidence booster because she was all of that in one. I had no self-confidence. I had no self-esteem. None of that. So, had I not had her, I would have only had a devil sitting on my shoulder, my own brain, always pulling me down. If I didn’t have her as the counter to that devil, giving me the positive reinforcement I needed for my own mental health and sanity, I don’t think I would have ever been able to lead a normal life, one where I wasn’t just an emotional wreck, breaking down constantly.”
Anshula also reflected on the added burden of society’s judgment, which came not just from the family dynamic but from the world outside, particularly in how others treated her in the wake of the separation. “I don’t remember a single moment in my life — even as a child — where I didn’t have to be resilient. Navigating the separation of my parents, when nobody really understood what was going on, was a lot. Add to that all those aunties giving you side-eyes and judgy looks, people suddenly going silent when you enter a group, and others just not wanting to talk to you, it does something to you. It makes you resilient. It makes you a little thick-skinned. But it also makes you a lot more isolated.”
She also added, “For me, resilience has always come with isolation. And I think that’s the only downside of becoming, or being, resilient. You also become an island unto yourself. You stop wanting to rely on others. You stop counting on anybody to show up and be there for you, because that’s just not your lived experience. When you have to grow up too early and take on responsibility too early, you almost forget that you can lean on others. And that’s something I’ve had to relearn now, in my 30s, that you can count on people, that you don’t have to do everything on your own, that you’re not a one-woman army. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. There is nothing wrong with taking a pause.”
Speaking about the immense role her mother played as a single parent, Anshula credited Mona Kapoor as her guiding light: “To a great extent, the role model I learned from was my mom — who was perhaps battling her own demons and her own battles, and maybe breaking down in private moments. But for me, she was always that superwoman. Someone capable of doing everything on her own. So, for the longest time in my 20s, I kept falling back on that idea: ‘Mom could do everything on her own, so I should be able to do everything on my own too’. It’s a lot to take on. And I didn’t even realise I was doing it until much later, when Arjun (Kapoor, brother) actually pointed it out to me: ‘She didn’t have a choice. She had to do it. You, on the other hand, have a choice, you can take a break’.”
In a previous interview with Hauterrfly, Anshula had shared how public scrutiny during her childhood left a lasting impact on her. “People started to talk about my family values, my upbringing, etc. I resigned into my own shell, and was trying to figure out what this new normal was all about.”
Boney Kapoor married Mona Shourie in 1983. The couple had two children, actor Arjun Kapoor and Anshula Kapoor. They separated in 1996, the same year Boney Kapoor married late actress Sridevi. They share two daughters – Janhvi Kapoor and Khushi Kapoor.
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