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Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Virat weds Anushka: Some tough questions for the newlyweds

Anushka Sharma and Virat Kohli are now officially Virushka (or would they prefer Korma?), but the partnership made in heaven still has to address some very tough questions - from what was served at the wedding to honeymoon destination, the inquisition will last a while. Just don’t take it too seriously!

New Delhi | Updated: December 12, 2017 11:43:03 am
virat kohli anushka sharma wedding, virat anushka wedding, virushka wedding, korma wedding, satire virushka, Congratulations, Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma! But wait up and answer these questions first! (Source: Instagram, Youtube)

So what happens when Bollywood marries Cricket? You get a new off-pitch partnership with a level of suspense that reminds you of Ramsey Brothers. No wonder the Virat Kohli, Anushka Sharma marriage ended up being the ultimate destination wedding of all time. One where no one knew where the destination was. That’s the worst that can happen to an Indian wedding, where much of the stress before the Mahurat is generated in a bid to ensure the groom ends up at the destination.

God knows how they manage a ‘gupt destination’ wedding like this. Milan, if that was indeed the venue, is an excellent choice. No other location on earth could have summed up this ‘milan’ better.

Anyway, it seems the pheras were safely negotiated. Guess that would have been easy for Kohli, who is usually good between the wickets. Seven rounds with a new partner shouldn’t be that tough, eh?

But more intriguing questions linger on like the smoke from a havan kund. How did they find a Panditji in Italy, Milan or Tuscany — wherever the pandal was? That must have been tough. If they had to fly one from here, did he go on a business visa? Well, he couldn’t have a landed on a tourist visa, not with dakshinas being mandatory after any ritual of this kind. That would mean getting paid for work, not allowed on tourist visas… certainly not in Schengen areas.

Also, what was served to the travel-weary guests? Was it a pizza-pasta affair, or was there chat and chakli too? Hope the guests got a good share of gur with this being winter and all.

With the phoren pheras done, what are the honeymoon plans? Manali, we hope… so that the home country does not feel left out of all the Virushka festivities. Chail could be good too, there is a palace there as well as a cricket pitch. Or they could come down south to Kerala, should they want to expand their post-wedding culinary experiences.

Virushka — or should we call you Korma? — will have to answer these tough questions as the nation will want to know. More will come as time goes on, after all this is a partnership made in heaven (the Bollywood, BCCI kind).

 

This has been written by someone equally disillusioned by cricket and Bollywood, and to a certain extent marriages. So don’t take it more seriously than you would a new prime time show.

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